Supercalifrajilisbicxpialidoucious

my heart is screamin in pain...

2009-09-30T02:47:00.002+08:00

day 1 - no smses, calls, not seeing each other

It feels like hell to be doing this, but i know i need to do it... i really miss ya but i'm not gona let u know. i just pray that feelings will fade that fast that swiftly...

what breaks me was not when u cheated me it was when u told me that u have feelings for her too & u r taking ur time to decide whom u wana be with now. i told maself that i really can't give u the luxury to think who u wan, cos ultimately i'll walk out on u in which i should be the one! y was it that i gave myself time & choose to torment myself by not lettin u go was cos i thot that i could bring u back home to me. but i'm so wrong... when i totally understand what karma can bring, i broke ppl's heart like how they broke mine too. i got involved with shit heads & married men that i didn't know wad was i gettin into! i just wana have fuN(s). yes typically, i was a dreadful bitch who just wana have sex, booze & moments of excitements. to think back it was hell lotsa adrenaline but also lessons well learnt.

i was livin in a fast pace life changing & swinging partners whenever i wan to. it was like a buffet to me... fun... very fun! i need a good diet on feeding my aphrodisiac appetite. it was scary to have to think back until i met dylan... with his good looks and comforting shoulders, it was more than what i could seek for in a perfect man. it was a toil for 2 years with him for our on off affections till he called me in sept last year... he asked me how was i initially then went on with a little missin then asked me if we were makin plans to marriage. it got me thinkin awhile if i should meet up with him again.. but i said "yes" and that's it. i reckon that i almost wana go astray... he was de first guy who took my breath away, missin him truly as a fren, fling or relationship that shouldn't have started. it was a fatal affection till i met u who swinged me to believe that we should never run away from love again.

i'm in a dilemma now as much cos i really need to leave u but i wana see u so badly which isn't right. i was in a position to protect u & her but failed to give myself a good treat. i knew all along that she wun give u up... and hence i decided to make the move out.

i so wish that u can tell me that ure being with her this time treatin her as a younger sister.... i reckon not. u told ur mum that u preferred me but i choose not to believe. & is not up for ur choice right now for all these shit u've stirred! i need to take ma time away now... but my heart is tearin apart now screaming....

I MISS U!! I LOVE U!!!!

FUCK! i wish this would end NOW!

I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U I MISS U....

de awakening...

2009-09-27T22:55:00.003+08:00

after 1 mth of mistrust & emo turmoil, i believe that i've started to wake up! I should stop protecting anybody but maself right now!! After what i've gone through I should learn to love maself & get on with ma own life... I need no more manipulation & lies. The ordeal is finally over a month after i broke down to cry & it should never felt better! I should have known better what's karma getting me into & I'm goin to learn to be a good good gal who'll devote timely in her own world; career, money, family & frens. I failed to do all those & ran on to the wrong pasture, now that i've found back the directions, I WILL DO SO!

BEGONE OF ALL PAIN & MISERY!!! I will cry for no1 & be strong, focus & liberal!! ma patience is running dry & i should no longer relent to anymore lies.. love can die off, feelings can fade away but reality is to be faced upon no matter wad!

after i'm back from Perth, u'll see me nowhere....

=) life goes on with no pain now!

that it's your heart that knows who loves you, not your ears or eyes.

2009-08-30T23:34:00.002+08:00

coming to a closure after 3 days of soakin maself with thots... I finally realised that I can't do without him? It's not because of all the bestest things he provided for, but the littlest thots & actions that got me going on in our lives. he got me picked up ma screwed up life before & turned them into beautiful pieces. i don't deny the fact that yes i found fault in him very much & hated the fact that i had to magnified them? perhaps i was lost... losing every single bit of my confidence.

i was too engross with ma own obsessions, job and right fit that i neglected his every bit of emotions, attention & needs.

as much as i do not wish to let go, even if i'm forced to it shall be it... crying is inevitable & i shall ask God for more answers to ma prayers....

caught in the act

2009-08-30T00:32:00.002+08:00

well, never did i ever realised that i'd be caught up being cheated again. and a full 3 mths?? it didn't break my heart on the cheatin but was about how dishonesty and betrayal words comes out from him. it took us by surprise when i received a call from the gal at 1am on 29 August. it was devastating, demoralising and worse i shed no tears.

i didn't know if i was ok but i know that i can't lose the man who brought me through the patches and got me back on track. irony is duplication of the stories expressed from the other gal. it was exactly the same and very scary as it sounds, he had developed feelings for her. perhaps it's a closure of our relationship and a blunt signal!

taken aback i seriously still can't bring myself to cry further... i wish we can start over but i reckon that all that once sweet gotten seemed like history and anther chapter begins for the other.

i couldn't blame any1 but myself to be selfish enough to think casually of my own job, more luxury items & forgotten to care for him. but when i did i was totally brushed away with hurting words that struck my already no-confident self.

being hurt is part and parcel of life but nevertheless life still goes on. perhaps he need not make a choice anymore while i decide for him? sorry makes no repentance....

i'm not hurt but too astound and taken aback once again... live life to the fullest!!

poisonous

2008-12-15T00:52:00.004+08:00

yes i love to complain... so call me a "file of complaints" so wad? Needless to say, I'm unlike certain persons who think that cheating a partner and making use of the trust from one then turn around with a poisonous deed of rumour. to think that he who seeks faithfulness and genuine attitude towards them, they spit at him and beholds the thrusts in it. money is portrayed as a golden champ towards their philosophy of life but also betrayal and no integrity. it simply deters their minds to evil doings and not regretting that they are the ones who seeks in the wrong path.

they can offer me the sense of hatred and no desire. but i know too many that are dark within and thou shalt not speak evil unto others. as i know that they are the ones who performed with great guilt hence the fear of having to lose their little "face". so much more to represent their so called "wealth" and not able to distinguish the actions done deal.

let them be the winners in their own desire as i shall not seek justifiable treats. is their own tongues that toxicify the thoughts of the others.

speak no further till now....

security... jealousy...

2008-10-03T13:11:00.002+08:00

i was filled not with confidence. i was filled not with truthfulness.
embraced with only mere discomfort as i realised that it's not only about me...
perhaps i shouldn't have loved so deeply... so intensed...
it dissolved with debts of gratitude...
the faith now disclosed a form of regrets...
when freedom should be expressed, uneasiness seeps in.

procrastinating is hazardous...

finalast

2008-08-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

when u realise that the time passes so quickly, so insignificantly... it felt as though things just swerved passed... I knew that everything will have to come to an end that soon. those sweet memories were swept way and nothing sweet is upcoming... every laughter and kisses were wrapped and kept in great memoirs. some of us throw them away while some simply bite on it and live on in the shadows...

so what if is only the 2nd year? it's all a facade imposing illusions & superficial sweetness. those days have ended and so will we....

neglection

2008-04-07T22:06:00.003+08:00

i can feel maself chokin up with nicotine and suckin it all in so much that my lungs r expanding in pleasure. i so wana dive into a divinity... enclosin maself and bring it all back to basics. my mind is swayin from all the thots that's nauseatin and cloudin ma blood with dirt.

it seems that everythin should remains the distant from me right now this very moment of truth. at times i seek for the authenticity of ma connection to the gender. i hate the sight of mops, brooms, brush, reekin of the stench of dettol and more floral scented detergents that can deter ma self-consciousness to another level. it just didn't work & is gainin reluctance just de way it should be.

i'm too drained to get any further as i'm still fascinated by the clock that's tickin in ma face when ma eyes r almost drawn across with a disappearin line....

WHY....

2007-09-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

is it that men get to earn a PHD when they say "let's just be frens" or even "let's not meet up anymore" and yet they ended up with some else in their arms??

is it that men always get away when they r the one who destroys ??

is it that men treat women in their lives as a form of object and failed to think of the consequences??

is it that men can repeat their mistakes and keep a distant from bein condemned??

is it that men get to do the wrong and make a graceful exit without even feelin remorse??

is it that men go play ignorant towards everythin??

is it that men always (literally) gets to decide whether or not to be in or outa relationships?

is it that men loves to control the mind of a woman??

is it that men gets to judge and govern and gives the final rulings?

is it so tough to seek justice for a woman??

possible to choose to be a beast in ma next life?? i've always longed to experience the joy of havin the ability to think with the gravity flow of blood and then make an exit that will make me more than just a hero??

she longs for he who loves her more than she loves him

- at least hypothetically, women gets to be selfish...

sidekicksss

2007-09-03T20:07:00.000+08:00

it's not a crime to be old, but is intolerable to be old and ham sup! i think someone ought to lay a rule that men to be arrested for visually outraging women. it's distressing and undesirable!!! at times, i really wana put my midda finger into total control at their fOckin faces... a buncha scatterbrainiacs with no sense of morals... dimwits

trashin it out...... again

2007-07-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

how much money to compensate u for ur work? how much time to devote to ur family? how much stuff is enough for u? and, no matter how much stuff u have, how do u find and define satisfaction?

seriously, i need more than just self evaluation but also self discover. i grew up from a humble family and daddy always had to toil in order to make ends meet; feeding the other 3 mouths. i told myself i'll work hard enough to greater meaning. yet i failed. too many times i'm a perfectionist and too little to comprehend wad i should and should not. it sucks.. at times i blame it as quarter life crisis, but most of the time i'm lousy hur hur hur

this is worse than i imagine...

scenario:

i signed a contract for an agency and the employment letter as offered for a position as a telesales consultant for some bank. despite the feedbacks from the rest as waste of time; uninspiring and borin; not as feasible as it sounds; not ez at all...

AND WORSE OF IT ALL... i'm startin to regret... startin to get shaken by another position i've applied even earlier than this but only got the response after signin the contract. yikes!! and so if i were to quit now it's simply gona be a hell raiser to fork out over 1000$ to compensate the agency and the exams fees and yet only raise 20% chance for the other position. *pulls hair out* u call this fate? destiny? and i can't control?

sigh... drats... and now soph advise to stick to it first then decide and stop givin excuses... yea

"if u really want this.. or even half heartedly want it.. just psycho urself that u really want it.. "

i guess that's the spirit now. i've been stressin maself too much this year when everythin starts crushin ma weak brains... i need to pick maself up gradually and literally... 5 more months to go before the leap... i really need some intense detox to clean maself before i start harmin ma lost soul more..

thanks soph u've been here for me truly.. *huggies*

btw, some1 commented that i need to write abt politics to get responses and get a higher readership? that's too pathetic for me. men are always fightin to gain the authority over one another. besides, if one who toks so much is so capable, then y isn't he/ she a discovered talent by the government and perhaps voted for the next election? rather than makin the chants here... i need my personal space here to rant abt shite only...

-scoots off to watch Miami Ink-

oh shite...

2007-07-16T15:23:00.000+08:00

lately, i've been so addicted to miami ink (ami james is soooo darn cute and pat is definitely intriguing) and shopping at pet shops!!!

i wana fly to miami for a quick fix with needles and more ink!! first, i need to find a job... hiak hiak hiak

FLARED

2007-06-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

i simply can't stop gettin (BEING) agitated by youngsters these days... particularly the age group 17 - 20. i mean haven't any1 told them that WORK is not about not puttin in hard work and perseverance and LITTLE BRAINS? i've been gettin TOO MANY requests for HOME BASED JOBS? like HELLO?? r u pregnated that u need to work from home? r u that poor to foot the transportation since it was last increased? r the soles of ur shoes gettin chipped? seriously all of them need to grill those itsy bitsy brains of theirs to make it get a little work there.

got hands and legs... cannot go out to search for jobs that are NOT HOME BASED ISIT? fiakin spoilt brats....

just recently, i went to view a female shih tzu which i tot of makin her as a girlfriend for my kiddos. sad to say, i was more disturbed at the sight of the condition she is now then not gettin her as part of us. her right eye is fully impaired and a suspected case of cataracts (shih tzus r very prone to such infections), doctors gave 20% chance of recovery. her tits were saggin... to emphasize it should be drooping and swollen like is 2 inches off from touchin the ground. reason bein... excessive birth giving cos she was engaged as a money making machine by some kokster petshop. well, she's just another case of an abandoned pooch just cos she can NO longer make babies as it may cost her life in the next time (she was found in the drain at the back of the shop). it broke my heart when i see pets bein treated so inhumane just cos we beings wish to make a livin outta them. and if u r one of them who might think that that's how life is; is a man eat man world, then u can be blasted to hell. humans r brutally cruel by nature to their own kinda beast does not mean we should use animals to serve us. animal lovers do not resort to such boorish, irrational acts just to satisfy their own greediness over money. NOW I'M BEGINNING TO STOP TRUSTING PETSHOPS ESPECIALLY...

grossed out... gona have my hei mee with extra love now...

randomly... recently...

2007-06-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

there's too many secrets kept that i wish.... .. so much ....

a man who tucks u to bed every night without fail..
a man who can hold u tight and tell u that nothing is impossible..
a man u can lean on be it all things comes in wrong..
a man u can lay ur trust on..
a man who carries u further than u wana..
a man who leaves no spaces between..
a man whom leaves no traces behind..
a man who never says forver or always when it isn't meant to be..
a man who can realise that cars r secondary..
but i was wrong to think of havin just a man who can just spend the time lookin at the sky with u till dawn instead of bein with his beloved ride..
best of it all, i realise that dogs will never betray their owners..

when u aint got things to do...

2007-05-03T17:01:00.000+08:00

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen,

hmm..... *LOL*

"So a woman on a first date probably isn’t searching for a husband or any serious relations at all, but unconsciously she’s valuing any man she sees if he is valid for creating a family."

huh?? is it? well "unconsciously" -.-

"A men respects all things that are boring and proud with the things he does in the similar way with all other men – drinking and making kids."

AGREE!!!

"For a woman one man is enough to say that she’s understood them all, for a man all the women he had are the reason to say that he understands none, still every next one is attempts to finally solve the mystery. "

how wrong can it be? wahahahahah

dun play play... hur hur hur

picture speaks a thousand words

2007-04-27T18:46:00.000+08:00

listen to the rain drops.. bwac bwac bwac bwac

2007-02-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

macdonald's for dinner... tunin to class 95, puttin ma soul at a soulful harmony.. and yea i manage to shift the pc and got the internet connection over at my baby's home. is been sometime... past 2006... xmas, new year, cny and v-day and now it starts to play another prelude... to year 2007. though 2 months had passed there were too many events that got me chippin. it didn't feel as though is a startin chapter, perhaps i'm readin too much between the lines. it isn't too bad, since i rediscovered and renewed my faith with God... not that i never did, but i'm beginning to entrust all my doubts unto him and allowing my soul to rejuvenate in his kingdom.

first and foremost, my heart shattered when ebi was given away at the expense of other's joy. it wasn't that as eventful as it should be cos i simply detest the irresponsibility of human kinds imposed on animals, and yes WHO DOES? wait till u finally see it with ur bare eyes and stuff it down ur throat; gettin it all choked up and ... stuffed? i miss the darlin so much even tho it took pains everyday just to clean up for her. it never felt this quiet. moreover, our romance started off bcos of her. and now that she's gone, i feel even more cranky than ever.

of cos, comin close to 7 mths, we had our fair share of squabbles and disagreements. just lately, we had a tiff (more before). couplehood.... hmmmmmmmmm if u were to think our first v-day was spent honeyed, no it wasn't. just before it strikes the hour, i had to rush back home after receivin an sms that caught me in dispise. for all this time, i haven't treated my mum the best way it should be... it ought to be good and even better, yet i failed. the test of my patience is too harsh. and now, it may not be too late, but is gonna be a test to bring back the time.

right now, i just wish to connect maself to God and devote just this little time before i slumber away in the chilly night.

yet again, i failed my final theory... HA HA HA

currently chokin on "the 5 people u meet in heaven"

In Fraility

2007-01-20T17:37:00.000+08:00

i'm too can't be bothered to write lately... sooooo..... a simple HAPPY NEW 2007 to all out there and of cos... WORLD PEACE AND please be nice to animals

when u noe that i ain't no job hogger

2006-11-23T13:47:00.000+08:00

YES!! i'm quittin my new job as of 1st Nov on 28th Nov... in the event of my employment, i participated in angst and negative tots of prolongin ma stay here with more tales on how women breast feed (not that i'm against it, but it's just not a topic that i can imagine maself relatin to now), how tattoos can make one as a captive amongst waggin tongues, make believe that smokers are rare and should be socially exterminated... i feel so unkindly treated here... u get wad i mean? *boohoohoo* nevertheless, 2 more days of sufferance since i'm intending to take leave tmr once again.... so to be exact 4.5days are fulfilled...

judge me if it pleases u, but u just can't simply put up with such inhumane and wicked attitude casted over me...

la di da dada

HOH SEY BOH!!

2006-11-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

random updates about me:

no clubbing and alcohol for nearly 2 months!
still faggin that much
shoppaholiK
hanging out with car zealots too much and too often
gaining too much weight (please read the next line)
no swimming for past 2 months *drats*
aftermath of tattooin... MORE MORE MORE!!
forever going broke
havin a breakout recently
got a change in job (but hell do i wish i can have the guts to make some farts in the compound with the absence of sound)
startin to show discrimination towards road hoggers (if u r one who drives at the speed of 80kph and below, pls do not even hell wave to me at anywhere, anytime)
obssesed with bee tai mak soup with fishballs esp the one at jackson kopitiam
pratas too much late at nite is makin me a dough expert
disciplining ebi to poo on the newspapers
turning 24 in 3 days time!

afterall somethings just aint gona change....

i'm still so much in love with jaron who got me bewitched

goodbye fella

2006-10-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

there r some frens to be worth mentioned, whereas some were simply past tense. there was once when they came into ur life, stirrin the humour in u, shakin the earth with the roaring laffter, but now they deny all facts about the truthful moments shared outa folly. it deems inevitable when ppl always make belief that work, and relationships or any other commitments r the ones that ruined all likelihood; while these r jolly good reasons (or rather excuses) for any1 to bring it to good use at all times. i found them farkin redundant and irrelevant. if one is incapable of balancing load off themselves, jolly well get off my farkin back. especially for those who think i'm not even a penny worth of "hi" at msn.

frens r not possessions to be measured by all riches, but a bliss; an estimable worth where different souls share their joy with elation and grievances that ain't worth bearin by one. treatin one another with gratitude and kindness that need no explanation.

for u who had taken to another level thinking that it was work that has taken its toll, above it all i hereby just wana wish ya with all deep regrets. nothin can't be done without the wits of ya own, learn to practice on nurturin ur own soul then to others.

so Q cherry

2006-09-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

ma baby made a comment that he'll get a chery QQ car for me when i get my licence... my face got crumbled up into disbelief but come to think of it, is better to get a buang China car for me to buang first rite? hiakhiakhiak the green one not bad lehhh but tot chilli red is more suitable for me.. perhaps the purple is cool too.. dun think too much, better get my licence to abuse on the roads first!! wahahahaha

rottin feet

2006-09-30T19:52:00.000+08:00

aftermath of gettin a tattoo on my leg... hell rottin and swellin in progress. it's been a year since i last got a new tat and i can hardly recall the same old procedure in takin good care of it; from washin it tenderly and dryin it up then applyin the moisturizer... and it seems i've long put all these behind my head. nevertheless, is all hell worth it cos it wasn't paid by me hahahahahahah *squeaks* afterall, the piercin of needles into my skin is priceless. the pain wasnt that intoleratin, it was a pure form of pleasure diversing ur attention to the netherland durin the 20mins. the shadin was excruciatin yet soothin to my innersoul... contradiction it may sound but there's only one word to be worth mentioned = SHUANGs
tho now it's takin it form and color slightly with the swelling subsidin gradually, i still fear for another infection since is at the lower calf. can't wait for it to be fully healed!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

anyways, somehow i feel that i've grown up more like an adult (not that i ain't matured k), not cos my bday is drawin near *Ah-hem*, but love can eventually nurture some1 into believin more things than never expected... lotsa adjustments to my life apparently (of cos NONE of my social life i still keep all my worthy frens within my reach) other than my lifestyle from all those late nite clubbin and intoxicatin maself, now i'm more reserved and laid back. moving on to tv hoggin cum surfin *hur hur hur*, late nite suppers *shrugs*, roundings with ma baby and his pals, hangin out at coffee joints.... err i mean shops - coffee-shops dressed in... i mean not even dressed for anywhere but always stuck with tees and shorts and start to rant abt how life has taken to another level.... i mean listenin more technical explanation abt zhng-in cars... wohohoho tho i nvr understood wad it means to the opp sex with their toys tagged with absurdly priced bling bling (accessories). suppose that's wad men wither their minds with when (most) women discuss too widely from fashion (top to bottom hor), makeup, work related and latest K-drama that hits town... *ewww* as for me, whoever noes me thoroughly well enough (not normally within a snap of fingers or even twice) will grow to realise i'm a woman with few words and if i do make it a string, it'll only means either i havent got enough sleep or i'm outa bitch for the worst... mwahahahahhahhah

i haven't any idea wad da shit i'm writin lately thus i ask for the forgiveness of too many grammatical mistakes and spellin disorder, cos firstly, i'm not in a bitchy mode *grins* (bet u shld noe y.... *think.... think harDer if u dun geddit) and whatmore... i've gotten rid a prick in my life for submittin my resignation just YESTERDAY!! pure orgasm... the instant of unrestrained excitement swells more than my feet now... *pops champagne* shan't say much here not till i meet my favourite ladies soon i hope heheheh

another thing is, whenever i check my hit counter, the alarming increase no. of viewers makes my jaws drop... wonder y. somemore no comments one... y har??... very typical singaporeans i bet, read but no1 exactly bothers to even wriggle their saintly fingers eh? understood cos thats so me or maybe none of my posts were worth commentary... hur hur hur doesnt hell matter... cos i need to go nurse my tat now and do ma bag of laundry.

wishes well to u all out there... tra la la la la

shit go-i nehz

2006-09-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

aiya, i oso duno how to spell it out, but jaron keeps sayin this and got the sticka done pasted across the top of his car's front screen. if i dun recall wrongly, it's some japanese race car tagline? oh well, i've always got a bad memory and u should noe it none better. not that i do it on purpose to forget certain things, however, events that r more than meaningful r adhered to me nonetheless. and oh so great, is just drawin to a mth of us together, havin sweetness that's causin too much of high dietary fibre (yea definitely inclusive of all those late nite suppers.. Mcnuggets, pratas, fishball mee, chicken sandwich, oreo cookies, satay...) its just toO much i can contain other than he's thoughtfulness. *sigh*

it just makes me boiling with envy on how can he be so definite meaningful to the partner (and hell yea --- is me la) darn it, i've been caught in drats and i wouldn't care less if any1's gona style me as a pathetic lewd shrewd. i haven't really gotten myself immerse in true blues (referring to BGR) for erhm.... the longest time i can even bring to mind... but nvm, doesnt matter i suppose? i found the sweetest thang who bears in mind that i get hungry every 2 hours interval (lately), needs to put on my slippers every now and then esp after work, him always puttin on the most wicked facial stints to cheer me up, and of cos sacrificin his ego for me to poke fun of... and most recently, after my event of sprained ankle, he got his ankle twisted... still, he was not spared from mockery. but i'm sure he doesnt mind a single bit, cos it's called acceptance! how can 2 persons studyin in romance not decipher that holy matter and brings into understanding? i'm acknowledged as the non-possesive by most of my guys and turns out they r the ones who felt insecure about me. they never realise that my life revolves just well with my farked up acer computer, my tv that only displays flat screen images, my pack of fags, some fashion spreads and of cos the make wonders of FHM/ Maxim that i only got addicted recently... definitely infinitive my snack bar! this is my life after work and all i care abt is treatin myself with well mannered and hrmmm.... non abusive indulgence... wahahahhaah at least ice cream only prints in ma menu once in awhile ok... and chocolates top the list!! well, only to turn a mth, i came to realise how much effort he puts into us and well delivered with his sincerity. at least i should appreciate all that he has done for me now, and this is gona be somethin in return that's nothin boastful, yet wicked and tunes us even right on! wad will that be... will think abt that soon... for now, to call him as promised...

ja ne~

kachng

2006-09-02T19:44:00.000+08:00

oooooo Ebi had a new pink taggie!!! and furthermore, had a driftin friday nite with my baby jaron (yes my new dudey whom i luv so much, we'll come to that another time most likely) oh well, as usual, we 2 r always as impromptu with our weekends, decided not to head anywhere with blink blink lights, blastin music and alcohol; dressed in our casual attire, we headed to yishun dam. swee!! crowded as usual, not many cars to my likin tho but the ice cream man is always there. lookin at ppl by the sides tryin to hao lian their rides which to me seems worthless than a piece of steel with all those stickers, spoiler that's high enough to strike a lightnin, headlights that cause my eyes to flicker with full attention... and engines... that sounds a bit lau hong? yea i'm such a prick even tho i hardly understand engine/ turbo/ exhaust and wadever bling bling that maketh the ride more pimped... to me, a 4-wheels is just a tool for makin my arse at rest even when i need to go to the market less than 50km away... other than that, is always best to have a simple ride... like this:

hiak hiak, of cos this is wad my baby is drivin... it's a beautiful machine (tho is more than complicated as what u see on the outside *raises eyebrow*) done up which always gets me to places wherever i wana go best of it all... IS BLUE IN COLOUR!!! of cos, he's car is still the best lookin there. next to it, we headed off with more excitement... I GET TO SEE CARS DRIFTIN LIVE IN ACTION!! owww... *does moonwalk* not exactly inspired by movies lately (all along i've a fetish for them), i'm so so so so so addicted with fast cars and roarin engines.. the thrill of being in one is more adoring... as a matter of fact, i know that once i acquire a driving licence, i'll be one outa hell driver... wahahahahah shuang! oh yea, havin to be at the most abandoned area in sg, there's bound to be forbidden events. SWEEE... and once again, i can boast abt the fact that my baby is one speedy gonzales that got him cheers off the crowd. hur hur hur... so how do i stop adorin hiM?? the downside for that day... he kena summon for havin mee goreng @ Jln Kayu... *pUi* Police sibei eng to go round 4 - 5 times at the same area... perhaps petrol is subsidised shld abuse it more? and now, to leave u all with this lovely tune...

Click here to listen

Beautiful Girl
by Jose Mari Chan

Beautiful girl, wherever you are
I knew when I saw you, you had opened the door
I knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.
You said "hello" and I turned to go
But something in your eyes left my heart beating so
I just knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.

Refrain : It was destiny's game
For when love finally came on
I rushed in line only to find
That you were gone.

Whenever you are, I fear that I might
Have lost you forever like a song in the night
Now that I've loved again after a long, long while
I've loved again.

*Repeat Refrain

Beautiful girl, I'll search on for you
'Til all of your loveliness in my arms come true
You've made me love again after a long, long while
In love again
And I'm glad that it's you
Hmm, beautiful girl

beg me thrill me please me

2006-08-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

ah haaa!! i just caught another not that lame, sounds a tad too bimbotiC yet smoothiE movie.. presenting... The Devil Wears Prada Based on the novel by Lauren Weisberger, which i haven't read it yet tho (yea cos i'm such a slug who doesnt read much for goodness) it just makes me swell with envy for all those Jimmy Choos, Chanel, Valentino and of cos Prada... Oiishi!! Anne Hathaway made her way thruout the movie swoonin me to beats with her bangs and those luscious lips that never seems to breakaway... somewhat, i felt slight resemblance of liv tyler? It's dizzying with all those costumes!! esp those shoes... Eeeekkkksssss *shoes whore waves* and yea speakin of that, i havent been navigatin maself to those absurd ground beings for 2 whole mths!!! wheeeeeeeee and now i felt handicapped... very much disabled from my fetish long enough to squish ma desirE~ nevertheless, an hour 50mins was too long for the show is wad i felt. overall it's a brilliant production that's adapted from the novel itself. if u think is just a show about how materials can feed a woman... that's so UNTRUE!! is all wad we wana outa this materialistic world to make full of our lust in disguise. somehow, i'm still baffled by how true can a career overrule a women's sweet takes domestically? isn't it scary enough to think that men r just too complicated a subject and too insignificant. yea perhaps thats all enough?! wahahhhaa

any the way, i'm all confused with another man now... sUck ME!! oh well, can't concentrate now since i need to concentrate on plannin well for my vacation this year now... for now, i'll leave ya all with a tender note of mytique as usual...

oh yea popcorns for the movie... 3.5/5 YESH!

another wasted saturday

2006-08-20T00:23:00.000+08:00

got back home from dinner with my colleague, i just feel so much at ease with my weekend. at macdonalds was where we had our tea after a briefed dinner at the hawker and isn't she so sweet to give me a small serving of green curry - home made by her sis in law!!! yummlicious!! in a negative mode, i had a bad tummy next to it due to the coconut milk and bad behaviour with hot fudge sundaeE! wahahhahaha drats... of all timing from constipation for 2 days...

ah well.. as usual wad do colleagues tok abt when they get together? work laaaaa... and of cos resentment stood strong and the inadequecy of how long can we sustain our income is still perplex... drats again... shan't go further since is a saturday to be wasted on~~

we then started tokin abt wad we women wants really... is always a topic we couldnt decipher as well... shUckadeliK~ the expectations of the gender is such a brain teaser.. agree? oh well, i hardly understand what i'd have a list of criterias which i'd rather leave them redundant. doesn't matter to me as a matter of fact since right now all i wana think abt is this cute little baby ....

hehehe cute horrr.. I WANA HAO LIAN HER TO THE WORLD!!! i wana name her earl grey or Ebi!! wheeee!!

HALT YE TO MOVIES!!

2006-08-08T12:56:00.000+08:00

In random order:

Fast & Furious --> checked... 2 stars; lethal combination inadaquacy
Click --> Checked!! =) "will u love me in the morning? forever & ever babe..."
An American Haunting --> Checked 1.5 stars: factuals made too upsettin....
My Super Ex-GF
The Break up
Miami Vice --> Checked... 2.5stars for the cars, planes and jetboats *FULL STOP*
The Devil wears Prada (Anne Hathaway) --> Checked 3.5 stars witty and oh so love the shoes!!
Pretty Persuasion --> Checked.. 3.5 stars; insanely intelligent, wildly funny, shockingly cruel
Art of the devil 2 (Thai)
The Guardian (Ashton Kutcher!!)
World Trade Centre

till it's gone

2006-08-06T12:47:00.000+08:00

thank you...

2006-08-05T00:40:00.000+08:00

... for tryin to hold my hand and beat those frozen fingers of mine
... for tryin to tug me in ur arms to keep my tremblin body from the cold
... for keepin me smile when i frown
... for all those kisses
... for regainin the hopes when i lost them
... for givin me a good time whenever we r together
... for makin an effort to dig time for our dinner & movies
... for offerin to bring me for a car ride to nowhere
... for tellin me things i never wish to know
... for makin a fool outa myself
... for buyin the shades and mango tank top
... for showin my dearest ann so much concern
... for tellin me that u never wan ur frens to noe abt us
... for makin everythin so tender

above it all, i just wana wish u well even tho i'm almost fallen for u, i beg to differ all this time and decided now is da time that i need to walk out on u... u may never miss me, it was fate that brought us together and now i'm endin the destiny forever...

take care always

=dreams for sale=

walking across

2006-08-03T14:33:00.000+08:00

as much as i hated, yes i did not deny to ash that i am very much affected by the sms which dylan had sent me. but i still noe that life still carries on even with or without the presence of a significant figure... and yea perhaps i'm just another cheap faRk but does not mean i'm free to fark. and of cos alber is still waitin for my call, and i've yet to make the best full use of it unless he makes the priorities and bear the responsibilities with more effort in our relationship.

all i care is what i need to focus on in my future and makin the best outa my wits. to many, i'm always misrepresented, but i make no way in to seekin in disclosin anything from my enigmatic smile. i live to do things on my own and always believe in self sacrificin for the future i longed for.

last nite i had a great nite out with ash as usual since he came back from his trip from mongolia. we toked and i appreciated the pair of ear of his to listen to my rants. funny thing is i never fear to be not hideous infront of him. he's a great pal and a confidant. as a matter of fact, i'm proud to have him when i needed him the most, i so wish to break into tears and hugged him not cos of the array of emos i've been included, but for him who has been too accommodatin to me. i'll make my prayers for his tots to ever be concluded...

=trashed=

I JUST DIG ON MUSIC!!

2006-07-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

so gona dig this song!! tho they sang badly...

Cory Lee!!! she's more than just sizzlin hot

chocolates melt in mouth...

2006-07-24T21:36:00.003+08:00

... but i melt at each sight and touch by him only... the softly tuned air is oh so tenderly embracin the tots... urggg i can't wait to get hold of him this week!!!! now that he's out dirtee & smelly, it intrude ma thirst more urgin each swallows i quenCh....

*tained lurve it shall be*

Always Head Towards North???

2006-07-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

dylie's favourite song...

and apparently, the ah lian side of me...

doomshit slut

2006-07-23T03:11:00.000+08:00

ALBER OR DYLAN??!! this song has casted a very(x10) strong emos in meee... i simply despise myself and havin to turn all green when i saw alber huggin another gal? am i bein a selfish slut all over here now... i wana scream i wana yell!! i wana drown myself next to my bottle of tequila but i noe i oughta put maself in control towards my bad drinkin habits... i hate it... detestin it... i wana strip my mind off to anythin that i nvr wish to desire

i deserve to go to matyrdom!!

Amazing Spray Paint Artist

2006-07-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

"Brandon Mcconnel creates a nature scene in minutes with spray paint."

IS HE SO KEWL OR WAD???

Havoc

2006-07-22T11:51:00.000+08:00

havoc

A must watCh!! produced in 2003 but onli gain disty rights in 2005 in tha states... wheeeeee

livin @ the borders

2006-07-22T10:53:00.000+08:00

just last nite as i was browsin the site where i was first introduced to Alber, i saw a photo that caught me in the green. i duno y am i feeling this way but it wasn't meant to be that way.. literally? i was in stupor... and right next after that, i got out to have a few rounds of drinks, not more than delights i felt even more ridiculous, balmy and witless... perhaps i'm havin my PMS lately?? or rather am feeling the overdosage of nicotine...

Meaning...

2006-07-21T21:01:00.000+08:00

As quoted below from the 6 inches high of nOtes i gotten from my mktg course:

the great Vince Lombardi says, "Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all-time thing. You can don't win once in a while, u dun do things right once in a while; u do them right all the time. Winning is a habit."

i felt that i need to twist my life and work towards the success!! not that i've been part of failure, but somehow, I SHLD counterstrike whatever defeat that falls upon me at all times. havin a positive mind is healthy when be it dealin @ work/ my superiors/ frens? errr nvm... think is a beautiful quote... rest of it as follows:

"Values are not trendy items that are casually traded in."

- Ellen Goodman

"It is every artist's fantasy to run things. I know personally, I'd be happiest as dictator of a small island. The problem is that romantic artists are usually too disorganized to run their own lives, let alone societies. And most societies are too sensible to let them try it."

- Brad Holland

"The secret of man's success resides in his insight into the moods of people, and his tact in dealing with them."

- J. G. Holland

"Leadership should be born out of the understanding of the needs of those who would be affected by it."

- Marian Anderson

"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."

- Henri Frederic Amiel

"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas."

- George Bernard Shaw

"Photography, alone of the arts, seems perfected to serve the desire humans have for a moment - this very moment - to stay."

- Sam Abell

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."

- James Dean

"How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win."

- Gilbert K. Chesterton

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you."

- Carl Sandburg

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."

- Lily Tomlin

the emo side of me

2006-07-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

awww i just received a testimonial from my "mei mei" chris in friendster. i must admit, at times i tend to get oblivious abt certain issues in life-- about the ppl knitted close to me and got myself too busy with wadsoever (whosoever) that just bumped unto me. i aint a radar receiver and fails to retrieve more than wad my information blog can ever fulfil. i admit that i tok tOo much at times, infatuated with boredom that resisted the sight of a sound, drink too mUch that i got too holy-some with my language... and of cos i had my share of bein too coOp up with my own world that falls in total silence... ok digression begins here...

but afterall, i just had to believe that all those whom r of my social circle r all of importance & significance, and of cos the core egotism of ma life... they r the gems of the real McCoy to me!! and whoever kicks them outa my sight shall gain no negotiation of sympathy... i'm a kickarse slut... dig on it!!

and to all ma darlings... u r the ones who maketh me! should i ever fade in ur life, SNOOZE ME!!! hur hur hur

sidekiCkz

2006-07-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

is so fascinatin my behaviour in an online forum can be. i'm all callous, disagreein, shamelessly snappin with all those snide remarks... and i did enjoy every single bit. wad more can i profess my bitChiness... in fact i was off forums for a couple of years to simplify my life. and now perhaps i just need a snack to muNch on and realise how horrifyin the calories can amount to... *yUcks*

as a matter of fact, i tried to draw the line from virtual bites to reality bytes... somehow rather, it was difficult and almost show no need of effort to beat those deceitful human kinds. in a twisted fact, everyone tends to believe in their own world of gospel. my intentions wasn't to make frens (tho i had made quite a couple and made merry fun with), but to understand the scoop of human behavioUr... and i was more than impressed. of cos i had my share of sworn enemies whom i'll openly declared to have ruined the respect i'd long to withold;

1) men who r offensive when suggestin women as a tool of their own, interpretatin in their own assumption on "they noe ALL-SO-WELL" abt the gentler sex more than.. ourselves?? haven't any1 heard that women r the most selfish and malicious beings on earth? i ain't tokin abt myself nor generalisin but it is the truth! we, on the whole ain't to be understood and taken as a subject biologically to be studied on. come on la... we r the best investment any men could have desired... no matter how nasty or spiteful we r, MEN CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT WOMEN! live the lie and deny the sentence but it is wad it means;

2) men who constantly make the complains of how materialistic we r... esp locals. if a woman sees a man who shows no guts in takin on challenges and persistantly pursue his mundane routine of work & drawin the salary that deems a nut.. i'll say... he'll make a bad lover in bed. forget abt bon appetit in the next comin years with him, drop him and get a new pair of jimmy choo;

3) men who r wimps who stood no chance in speakin up for his buddy? this is totally intolerant at least to me. i see them as retards and gain no acceptance in my holiness... crap! if ever u had a galfren who started gettin all cranky and absurdly shoutin across the dining table like a shrewd at the buddy and sat there as tho the penis was detached, i'd love to drop the pants and dig within the threshold;

4) men who makes lewd remarks on women. (ain't gona elaborate on chunks of vulgarities);

5) women who couldn't swallow a simplest joke... and yet with frolic pretence. they need a good romp to be merry;

6) women who acts as tho they r totally strong and yet crumble less tasty than an apple crumble i had at KL;

7) women who thinks havin a bf who drives @ least a beemer/ owes more than 3 credit cards r a merit of their boasting sessions with the rest of the gals. am i makin a contradiction to point 2? oh yea hell it is... with reference to point 1.. we r not to be understood...

8) last but not least... i can't tolerate FUGLY freaks who loves to boast abt their wanton sexperience. HATE IT! thinkin they r some Greek-god sex symbol... PUI! get a grip on ur language b4 commercialisin urself...

to add on:

9) gossip-mongers whom i literally think they look best with their mouths closed
10) gay pohs who just simply likes to dig their nose and smear their dirt unto others
11) those who likes to brag and boast and of cos "lau hong tok" when they noe nuts but can't stop the chants...

ppl who doesnt noe me ain't good shit to start with...

WHhhheeeeeeeeeee

2006-07-15T23:18:00.000+08:00

i just feel like bloggin tonite... tho i've been feelin crap and basically not abt any1 but myself and esp at wOrk.. nothin seems to get me into the mood lately as i felt i ain't movin a shit... and hell yea i hardly like to move an inch to be exact but somehow rather, it seems to be takin a toll on my end. i couldn't feel the vibes when i go to work, even if i did appear, things just ain't gona take on another level for me. despite the fact that i was told to be taken over for another responsibilty, i ain't got any briefin or wadsoeva, on the whole i felt exploited... deceived is too much a verb involved here. well... i guess i gona take on the toll for awhile and ease my eagerness awhile further b4 makin a 2nd inch? hur hur hur

well, at least my weekend was GOODILIoUs! had a gatherin with a couple of my forum pals at one the guy's home @ BAYSHORE!! wHoOt! lovely... i hit the 10 laps without any distruptions, tho ain't got a tan, but i had fuN! esp since we manage to have our mouths filled with YUMMILICIOUS whoopin servin of the most marvellous layered chocolatey CAKE!! walau i love it man! tho i kept complainin abt the size... 10inches for an imaginery of 10ppl? wahahhhah weighin at 2.5kg... eerily phenomena... I LOVE IT tho... as a matter of fact, absolutely NOTHIN was well planned, impromptu msg allows more spontaneity!! yeapos! next to it, we celebrated one of the gal's bday... come to think of it, i've made a couple good ol' pals but of cos more than what i can describe... real farkers that i can't stand them at my face. and yes, i've always been a prick and almost to the deniable stage of truths, i never denied to ever be a bitCh and i luv the fact, feelin over the end of cos... i just need the rainbow casted over me to make it all so wholeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

and of cos DYLIE IS BACKIE!!! i so gona meet him on tuesday!! YEA YEA YEA!! i miss him lots lots ar!! ho ho ho

GOOD SHITS!

2006-06-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

Some good shites... wahahahha DUNCH ANY1 DARE TO TAKE DOWN THESE FOR UR OWN!! i'll screw ur head off, get ur ballz inverted and ur pussy burnt!! these r my credits at the end of the year in KK once again... woHooOo!

from THIS ---------------------> to THIS!

I WAN THIS FOR SURE!!! i gona be pricked a thousand times... wohooo!!

some other good shits...

i am a wimp....

2006-06-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

indeed i'm frustrated... i duno y and perhaps i might as well blame it on the detox pills i've been havin that maketh the whole of a toilet marathon. i felt sick in wadever ways and supposedly it helps to churn out all the ill & gooey stuffs in my body it turned out that i'm dipped into a pool of uncertainties. it's been 3 days and yea hell is it workin, cos apparently most of my input became a whole bowl of chucky shit and i feel even more ill... and worse scenario is it's suppose to aid in pimples & acne, i just got one on my fiakin face which i so wish to scrape it off now. sigh sigh sigh...

i am as doeful, and grieving in silence with sufferance of immense desolution. euphoria seems bleak on the far end and i felt struck with desperation of relief. it was just 3 hrs ago when i received Alber's sms that he wishes to see me. I led no unforeseen situation by shuttin off with no response. I so wish that it will turn out well soon when the next sms came claimin that he's at my place and so darn wishes to see me, but he noes it would be very much denied as i do not in any way wish to lie to him in the eyes. he noes he had not been a good bf to start with, and of cos it didn't came that way to me, which surfaced into a form of distress. yes, totally he didn't spend the time with me, but it wasn't that case which cast my distance. in fact it was just me. i couldn't get over dylan and noein well exactly it would be a gamble. i collide into the dubious end.

sometimes men r tad too predictable or rather too safe. at times they interrupt my mind at transition and gain the unreliablity of secure. i must say that i love the relation too much, i got addicted. which is y i hate to love the fact i can't break free from dylan. i tried, or perhaps ain't hard enough. and now that he's gona be away for 2 weeks, i feel even more tidal than ever. not cos i do not trust him but i'm scared that if alber were to ever step into my life now, i'll take him on a roller coaster ride.

i miss dylan now and he's yet to msg or call me. i believe he's safe and i wana be there on his bday... i'm suCh a biatchhhhh judge me plsss...

*glued to the rack*

fuNk up

2006-06-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

i'm startin to miss dylan already... it's just 40mins since we last ate, spoke, kissed and hugged... i really hope that one month will long be dead b4 i start to get outrageously hRmm... ragingly.... hRmmm i dunoooo

SHITE!

Just mastered some erotic vocabs...

1) Fellatio
fel·la·ti·o (f-lsh-, f-)
n.

Oral stimulation of the penis.

2) Cunnilingus
cun·ni·lin·gus (kn-lnggs)
n.

Oral stimulation of the clitoris or vulva.

u say... i say...

2006-05-24T21:32:00.000+08:00

he told me that he wish not to have a relationship in the meantime.. i didn't probe further how long may that be, i never doubted myself in havin de guts to foresee that i will eventually fade. whenever i fell into his arms, i had never felt that protected, noein that i will go against the destiny that would have cast over us. i lied to say that i never wana have us bonded in the future, where i never noe where it will be unleash from its hidden agenda. to me, it didn't really matter how dark my uncertainties be, all i wan is for the radiance he gave me to live 4ever....

perhaps in another 2 weeks, he's goin away again, i came to a point where i didn't wish to go soft on him, yet to continue with the shrouded cries. ain't no saint too magnanimous to be declared as. i simply wan him to take off as far as he can with no traces of enigma. absurd as i can remain, i wish to behold him from far. i told him lies, i told him so much fake truths i can neither take charge of the serpent me. my heart dispells of hatred and distrust of myself i dread so unforgivinly. a mth isn't too long, the previous 9 was horrendous which i couldn't cry upon. each time u took ur remains away, some1 else close to me had to too. if it ever occurs to me, i should have taken off earlier than u shld...

*listenin to ma own prayers again & again...*

you r my sunshine...

2006-05-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

right, i noe i've been watchin too much of shows lately that i cud hardly understand how my time stood pass... is crap but somehow, this is a title which i must definitely rely on it's own. hell does it not have much of publicity nor a good form of emphasis, yet i noe is a must watch... drawin lines parallel real to surreal...

based on a true story, i must say is a must to watch. forget abt those sweet neat popcorns, all u need is a fixture of the story.

set in the suburbs, a farmer Seok-joong; a bachelor in his 40s who seeks nothin more than a simple luv to marriage. falls in luv with Eun-ha who works in the cafe in the day making trips to customers at hotels and a k-gal in the nite. She who shows no interest in his own subtle way of display of courtship for a year, eventually caught herself offguard of his ardent flattery and earnest devotion. eventually they got married. bringin a whole new catastrophe of his new found life when he found out that Eun-ha was infected with HIV. his momentary luv for her subsides into a dreary fond of estranged behaviour towards her, makin her into the decision of resignment. she took off to town and became a true prostitue only to be found guilty to be infected with HIV causin an uproar to the town and of over 2000 men. despite the afflictions and family's resentment, Seok-joong surfaced an undefeated devotion to her, pledged only to be with her till he dies...

this film moves to its heights of discrepancy of a steadfast and defined love, and loving back. a good blend of weakness of human nature.

if you're hopin to see flatterin korean faces.. sowee pls hold them back..

bite size - 4.5/5 (as good as "the way home")

When it's all gone...

2006-05-14T14:51:00.000+08:00

dozin for more than 12hours is simply normal for me on a typical weekend since old women like me needs to have total pamperin snoozin off till the day doesn't come. i feel like a stoink goner right now... and i miss Josie and Pikky!! ok lemme rephrase Pikky and Josie... hohoho Pikky is ma fren who was so kind enough to lemme bunk at her home for a night cos i wana see Josie the darling beagle... hohoho SHE'S LOVELY!! she couldn't start waggin her tail and scratchin herself. oohoooo btw, i was at KL on thursday nite till Sat. i felt like in esterC~ wheeeeeeeeeeee it was too short to mention anythin more than fancy but i totally DIG ON this trip.

thursday right after work Jane (My colleague) and i took a total of 5 hours before landed our tired feet in the boundaries of JB. it was a dread as the crowd doesn't seem to cease at the customs. to think of all the standin and walkin i believe i'm havin beautiful carves now... hohoho lovely... then we met edward another colleague of ours the "che shen" who in no time came over to fetch us and set off to KL... he's pretty amazin to manage to get us there by 3.5 hours despite the weather conditions on the road and despite the weariness he had. seriously, it was ma first trip there via own vehicle and it was so excitin!!! wheeeeee i couldn't wait to make my trip more heavenly than ever!! hohoho~ havin to reach the hotel at 3am, we slept thru till 8am, woke up and head for breakfast nearby for some vegetarian foodie.. when i opened my eyes big when i saw this indian makin char kuey tiao which is actually like i mentioned vegetarian... and within the coffeeshop, there's laksa/ ramlee burger/ mee rebus. yum yum the chee cheong fan was ma favourite... hohoho next we went to meet up with Michael and family to do some shoppin.

i wouldn't wana explain the hell of i felt durin the trip when i was outrageously being molested by his 7 year old daughter... =( sobzzz she was consistently distractin me and holdin my hands, worse off touchin me whenever she got the chance to when we were in the vehicle... this is the first time i was touched by a gal that much and i felt sooo.... soooo.... inhibited... scary Boy... well, we tried by all means to get her off our back only to manage to take some neoprints that cost like $12 SGD!!! hahahahhahhaah even tho we brought our own cammies. *drags*

shoppin at sungei wang was so put off with all the distinctive shops all over da plce... there can be a shop sellin clothings here then another over at the end, shoes r worse... i had to walk a few shops down just to fulfil my fetish.. only after 1hour, i felt enuff is ENuFf! so came PIKKY!!! tot we cud have luncheon togets, but couldn't as we had different plans as in no plans where we headin to next but to another vegetarian restaurant for lunch. so pikky went on with her plans... the restaurant was more than packed. but when i saw the menu, i just wana ordered one each hahahhah there's pasta/ pizza/ nasi lemak/ dumplings everythin that deems normal is served!! cool huh... oh yea never get a chance to see it in SG wad.. my eyes couldn't get off the cheese cake... yummy!! total cost of lunch was 99ringgit for 8 ppl!! believe it... and the food was mMmhmmmm right after we head back to hotel and head to mid-valley. been there long time ago. they've got several names we had in sg... topshop/ ms selfridge/ dorothy perkins/ mng/ zara. and yea prices equates to wad we have in sg... but nevertheless i felt like a cinderella tryin on shoEs and SHADES are all over the place!!! just got 2 pairs of shoes and 2 blouses from ms selfridge. and yea THATS ALL folks... hahahah even tho jane was tryin to hold me back, she oso bought 2 pairs.. cos VINCCI was havin SALES!!! weeeeeeeeeeeee love it. stayin there for 3 hours is more than enough, so we headed to nite market (duno the name) and i of cos for their knowingly jams... i dread those hours cos i was constantly being outraged once again... *sObz* nite market was kinda borin where i see all imitation of gucci/ coach/ burberry/ LV all over... stayed an hour we just head off to meet pikky who picked me up from the hotel...

got to her place saw her 2 stupid dogs and of cos the lovely josie... i couldn't get my hands off her... wohohohoh tho i was drained, i couldn't resist the need to go party there. thus we headed to Le Maison and their spin offs trance is more than enough to put me on with the beats. i love it there!! ok by 3am i was knocked off.
next mornin, we headed to err can't rmbr the name but another mall loh but didn't get any stuffs cos i've overspent and nothin much catches my eyes anyways. had lunch for an hour at delicious.. the classic choc cake was magnifesto!! yuMmY!! i miss it soooo muchhhh. then we decided to call it off and headed back to jb where edward got his vehicle from (long stowee of angonisin plannin on it sighh) so i bid farewell to pikky and headed to another vegetarian restaurant which serves sharks fins soup and tantalizin baked rice... *thumbs up*

back in sg in ma room, i watched it's all gone pete tong.... LOVELY film about Frankie wilde the deaf DJ!! a must watch!! he's sooooooo darrrrnnnn cute! i'll give it a review after unloadin ma stuffs halfway since last nite b4 i knock off... and ma da vinci code... hohoho ciggies.. no stock up tho sad after all... i miss dylan *siGhz*

tot of the week

2006-05-07T01:31:00.000+08:00

for the past week, serious doubts arose of ma sexual interests. for once, i really need to confirm ma orientation... i'm checkin out chics more than ever and even if i glance at males, it was only to ascertain ma directions. and is saddenin to say that 10% males r worth applaud (in terms of looks) and 8% outa there r homos... fiak... for once i felt like a woman trapped. and to think our gender stand strong an issue of makin choices but CRAP!!!

suddenly, i felt that havin sex with men is pure indulgence and ain't gainin an affirmation of my doubious orientation there... *bored*

patches...

2006-04-30T02:12:00.000+08:00

What love is???
by PURE HEART

Love is a feeling to die,
It's a feeling to live one more life.
Love is a feeling to let others live,
But it's never a feeling to kill.

Love is a feeling of fear to get apart,
It's a feeling which join million of hearts.
Love is a feeling which often makes you cry,
It's a feeling which one cannot buy.

Love is a feeling to care more than urself,
It's a feeling of joy, care and help.
Love is a feeling to protect your loved one,
It's a feeling in which hearts are won.

Love is a feeling to hear the silent words,
It's a feeling to ignore the absurds.
Love is a feeling to feel the others pain,
But it's never a feeling just all about gains.

Love is a feeling to wait for someone dear,
Only love is the feeling which brings them near.
Love is a feeling to be together till the end,
Its always a feeling to hold the hand in every trend...

Silly Dreams?
by MY1&only

Young girl always joyful and serene.
Her smiles reveal,
True happiness.
Nobody seems to understand,
This blissful girl.
Scolded for her innocence,
For always escaping reality
And hiding safely in her dreams.

She dreams of being loved
To feel the warm touch,
By a sweet lovers hand.
Needs of wanting to share,
A life with someone who cares.
She wishes for security
Someone to keep her in their arms,
Shelter her from this vindictive world.

"Dreams are only dreams,
They will never come true."

That's what she hears every single day,
But she has learned to block it out.
Always having the hope,
Of how one day,
Her prince charming will rescue her,
From all this negativity.

Knowing that one day,
She will prove them wrong.
Show the world,
That dreams CAN come true.
Then they will finally see,
They were wrong all along.

The young girl has gotten older,
Still a young dreamer.
But something is different now.
She is no longer alone in her world.
There is someone always there.
She has found her prince charming,
And in the process,
Proved everyone wrong.
She kept her hope alive,
And now knows for sure,
Dreams do come true.

i noe is weird...

2006-04-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

yea.. it definitely is when i am bloggin for 2 nites now.y ain't i out tonite cos i haven't got any mood, any energy that dispells the encouraging mode of headin to anywhere. i simply just wish to stay home and do some sortin out. is just 2 days to siao wei's bday. and while we were all bz thinkin of putting things together for her, it turns out that i am the one gettin the emo. is exactly one year.. it isn't an annual gatherin nor a significantly jolly time for us. i hate this but is all in the name of our love for each other.. esp ann. i couldn't get the picture off the mind on how she and i got out to have a drink at HIDEOUT & uncertain misfortune to have casted all upon us. it's deeply saddenin i must say to have without her smiles, her laffter and her absurd stories abt man-A to man-Z all da time. but somehow, i still misses all those folly times we had togets out wonderin on the streets havin endless coffees simply doin nothin but chantin to ourselves how our lives r gona be. she wish to settle with some1 who loves her more than she does and behold her truths between the misunderstanding with Evan. perhaps i haven't got to noe her desires deep, but all i noe is she's got simple gestures in deep knowledge that maketh her a true gal. in moral facts, i wish i cud have given her more attn at that point of time and taken time to spent with her. it isn't too late still. she's always been stronger than we think she is.

and on this date just last year, i received dylan's first msg. it wasn't smthin that came as tender but sure does it makes me once more melt. he wasn't exactly there for me, but i noe he did try to despite his heavy schedule. and i hate to believe the fact that he had to leave after that 1 mth. it took me longer than i tot i cud to get things over. and when i tot i did, it simply gained its stance once again. his presence has always been my comfort to my cries. i wun noe if there's gona be another year, perhaps not to my stand. all these moments we shared will always be cherished and behold. tho not sure when can i put them down, but i noe i will soon enough. he kept apologizin which i nvr taken them into consideration cos i see nothin in them. tho i've got so many words to tell him, i couldn't take myself on the challenge to... and not even ever.... i wish to thank him for all that he has given. one day when i'm gone, he'll be much happier...

PUKIMA

2006-04-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

yea i'm bacK... so back... and it isn't just too lovely when i start to blog and in fact, totally i'm outa control for the past 2 weeks. significantly, i had a relapse of my migraine and it just fits me inconsistently for the whole of the last week... and this week, caught a blurdee viral flu (which i never knew wads the diff btwn cold/flu/common flu/ viral flu) and a bad throat infection that disallows me to croak, and just today i had my nitemare occurin with a bad tummy.. diarrhoea. damn it!! ma life is so full of insignificant gestures that i can hardly retold ma point of livin. simultaneously i'm more like steamin up with more cough syrup now 0.o

sheeshh, and the weather is like freakin ma shit. no way i can find myself standin at the bus stop with such consistency of rain then shine, then rain and then shine & rain... everything's SCREWED!! i screwed ma life by simply signin a fiakin contract that's worth all a millionZzhood! i oughta eat up the remains of my past 3 years lipsticks and die. it simply took my guts off and literally my mind outa way. i signed it due to my own resentment and breached it according to my defiance. i hate it!! and now, castin all my fears and terrors away i just simply pray that the the agency can be set on blaze before u see myself charred and disordered. i'm still waitin for that blurdee biAtch's call to cfm whether or not that i have to compensate before i go further for my shoppin trip hahahah~ irony.. an "antilogy" as it deems

way down, today i saw an angel... an angel that i tot was simply much in disguise with despise. a gal who used to confess and drowned her emotions to my beloved ann, actually cruelly scoots off with no traces of fiakin shit. it wasn't a pleasant sight to me. and please be blessed that i was in the bus and not right outa my foot on her path. i could have simply place ma footprints of discernible upright cencorious behaviour at her face. it's mean... ya is meant to be mean. tho i oughta forgive & forget... is terribly too abstract in this situation to mean it... i shan't go on....

right now, all i wana focus on is ma guy perhaps. i felt disturbed abt the fact that i had to call him ma guy and not bf.. or worse steady... or wadever labels that seems inappropriate. he spent 9 mths away (which i was told to be glad at least it meant even MOREwhen now that he's back) i'm simply nuts abt him more than norm and it seems more irritated than ever. sighh it feels terrible when u noe happiness is with him when nothin much u can do to advance into a certainty. it's not much like misery with insecurity but... oh yea exactly like it. we love each other more than anymore... but we simply waive topics thats almost nonrelated at times. each time we hold hands it never felt more like in our world. sharin tots and showerin each other with concerns i wish it just never end. the density is holdin my senses and tears back with smiles undercovered. all these contrary is startin to make me uproar with the remnants of my dissipated soul... i do not wish to contemplate denials further and simply put maself to slp soon...

+in a distant with a whole new level of ma head

dirty stylin~

2006-04-14T15:37:00.000+08:00

as i had nowhere in mind to head on a thursday nite since is PH's eve... decided to head down to MW not cos of it's free flow for ladies and revamped space, i hardly had anywhere to endorse ma moody cloud of air. next thing i knew... i regretted payin the 15bux cover and get an irrelevant dosage of pukin syndrome.

blasting retro and top40s is bad enough... the crowd BOOs!! and yes, i'm a dirty ol' biatch who exquisitely tender a not posh but at least a DECENT entrance with soothin beats that keeps ma mind clear. however, no hopes were dashed with an immediate turned off lubrication of ear wax.. in desperate need of a cushy corner, i turned 360degrees to no avail, i shed my desires of a cosy to the door next and eventually found a comfy corner to nurse maself deeply before i go nuts. yea tho they were tunin to endless r&b/ hip hop but reggae would have spoilt the image of the crowd. yucks! gals dressed up soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo badly.. let's imagine a babydoll pink cami with length that covers a mini denim skirt (then wads the point of wearin a fiakin SKIRT!!), and a white strappy heels. let's not go further with the hair and make up since i've got fugly bangs and definitely not in a mood to look great there. even a shagg hag like me would have looked better... *sheesh* SPOILER! i mean let's not demean any1 in particular, but hell was i in.... HELL!! i have all the excuses to go clubbin to check out some HOT chics & PERHAPS some chap(s).

i wunda y some ppl took all the efforts to doll up and despite all those times, they still look BAD!! and of cos all abt clubbin is lookin good (not absurdly givin ppl hiccups) and feelin all ready to let it all go. i believe in cheap tops and perfectly fit cut jeans/ skirts, teamed with trendy made clutch and comfy flats/ heels. strappy heels r so way off PASSE, except for wedges with intricate designs. bags/ accessories- esp belts/ shoes r a gal's greatest necessary investment into da glitz of daily outfits. yes i splurge on at least 1 pair of shoes a mth, sometimes 3 - 4 depends on how much distant i'm willing to go when i shop. i can die for any kinda shoes and definitely bags to fit ALL occassions at anytime for me to go.

i personally felt that at least 40% local women rely too much on mags and not local ones, but overseas kind that brain freeze or rather replicate wad they should be styled and not wad they style. crap!! and plenty of a time, they felt that those outfits on the runway creates a blown off... yea more like blown up for street style. clothes r like make up that do not change one individual but transform one. it undos the glitch and disclose one's personality. women with overly done eyeliners and outrageous eyeshadows casted ought to SPOOK away from da streets.

=biatch in da housey=

the nightmare before christmas

2006-04-03T21:42:00.000+08:00

The Nightmare Before Christmas!!
i'm selling this collectible pair for $110 only!! any takers/ interested buyers please contact me.
Height for Jack = 20.5cm
Height for Sally = 19.5cm
Both in perfect condition, comes with separate boxes.

anger management

2006-04-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

i haven't got the mood to blog recently... and hell am i havin a serious quarter life crisis... daRn IT!!! alrite... i need to make serious and i really meant S-E-R-I-O-U-S readjustments to ma life right now RIGHT NOW!! ok, certainly, i'm ascertaining some form of anger recruitment this weekend... cos SOME1 HELL DOES NOE HOW TO PISS ME OFF.. and who else would i wana mention... *shitty bulL*

and i did somethin sOoooo malicious to maself this weekend!! i'm stressin maself now and i desperately need some management crash course in keeping my hands free from silly gestures and actions. furthermore... i SNIPPED MA OWN FRINGE!! i just hope that i'll snip ma own fingers away someday too. i simply miss ma fringe last time... URGG!! i should have taken soph's advice... and now i look like some disgustin frolly biatch with hair that's.. fiak wadever..

i just hope to rearrange ma interview for tmr to another time... NOT WITH THIS HAIRSTYLE!! i swear i will not take anymore fotos with ma polaroid for a mth!! and likewise, not steppin outa ma house for a week or so, which I SWEAR i caught some blank stares when i went to serangoon just now!! *crushed*

=killing in disguise=

in da middle

2006-03-25T00:14:00.000+08:00

it stood right in the middle!! in da middle of somewhere so intimate i must emphasiZe and when u think size doesn't matter OF COS IT DOES!!! wad da ma*TooT**tOot*Ka noes.... over the night...

I HAD A DAMMIT DARN THING ACNE ON MY FIAKIN CHEST!!!

=in disgust=

Distortion

2006-03-16T12:32:00.000+08:00

to choose some1 who shows u definite affections or some1 who doesn't noe how to express himself in a more affectionate way?

sighh... i'm in distress, havin to 2-time isn't such a good thing at times when i have to sms twice the amount and divide my whole too... i miss dylan all this time yet, haven't any clues to be convicted with emotions. tho i do like alber alot, i duno how things will bring us further as time passes. both has their own securities and truths of expressions that has left me in the desert of unknown.

how long am i to discover the true one, or should i simply let things go? it isn't rite, of cos it isn't riteful to cast my desires on both... but i'm still thinkin, fickled as women can be... i am a woman afterall... sheesh~

twiddling my fingers

2006-03-12T21:07:00.000+08:00

there are times (or too much) when i asked myself if certain decisions in life are made pretty much right... or wrong. perhaps, this time i have used up most of my brain cells and conjure all intuitive without 2nd tots. easy come easy go. i have made myself to realise that i cannot take the pressure of bein caught in the middle of situations that i cannot justify... thus, i always step down to gain the room of comfort. admittedly, this time i have done the same thing... and i believe is my inbuilt selfish genes that i need a clean break from more sitcom episodes.

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."

- James Dean

caught in a dismay between 2 torn worlds...

2006-03-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

I BELIEVE

it's been months since i last heard a mandarin song, forgive me to become a brat who see nothin in mandarin songs... somehow, i've always relate it as bein lethargic, too poppy, with high meter indicatin high emos and definitely... uncool... hehe~ nah that's not my main preposition. however, i'm truly touched by this song.. the beautiful lyrics evoked ma emos too. sighh... i can't reveal much here but i noe deep down, i have an answer that's not answered, a question that has already been answered... 9 mths has gone, and he is of cos back to my knowin for sure...

=readin between the lines of the lyrics=

28days cycle

2006-03-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

i realise that i only come to rant after 28days cycle... i wunda Y too... too much chocs? or is it that i had too much Post's cereals... the pecan flava is a must have!! with soya bean milk... oooo montU! besides that i'm kinda not low lactose tolerant but i just can't simply fit my crampy gastric with more acid~ and yea if u dun realise milk is ACIDIC~~ so wad to do? drink more alcohol to balance the PH of the stomach before the pancreas starts to secretes more acid, and that relates to GASTRITIS (@ least i think my bio is still intact in ma head).. and typically i do have that relapse pretty much often then i tot, even tho i dun skip my meals AT ALL since i'm havin the pangs for sweeties... ok snacking as and when i wan to doesn't somehow makes sense. but, i never made any sense.

i went NTUC alone today.. and sheesh i felt great..... pushin the trolley and gettin all those junkies into it and HOLY regrettin them when i left the cashier, i felt ashamed once again. however, i did manage all those baggages home MASELF ok? and so great, i made pasta again today for my colleagues... it felt good tho cos i believe they'll luv it. i'm a pasta lover all times and whenever i kept my orders, it's gona be pasta on the menu. and back home, from the distant, i saw this pasted piece of paper at the lift lobby, which i tot... now great... who has lost a dog? selling their houses or worse... offerin tutor services. i mean like isn't it a little duMb off the ass if u shld start announcin your contact at the estate? but hell no, as i drew nearer, i saw a foto of a doe eyed little gal... as it says is a MISSING gal... 3 yrs old she is!! jaws dropped, with my bags all over my arms. struggling with handheld and shoulder clug bags isn't glam at all, but seein that, does make no sense on tidyin myself. later on, where the news reported on the lost gal who apparently wandered off on her own in the absence of grandparents attention. geesh, i'd be pleased to announce that kids these days tends to know their way better. where i can get lost at my neighbourhood... and needless to say, i was hopeless since a kid. and she had managed to walk off and carried her little feet to elsewhere. of cos, i felt upset for her worried sick grandparents, and also her safety, but likewise, she shld also bear the consequence of havin to wander off her own despite her tender tots. all i wana pray for is her safety home....

further to all these, for the past few weeks, i've been stuck with a phobic brain/mind/head. wadever u call that thing stuck above your neck. to endure the challenge of a huge career change - meanin no more air conditionin, sittin at my comfort zone, blastin my music and hangin my legs in the mid air but to stationed outdoors and approach all short/ fat/ skinny/ tall/ HSL/ lovely taitais and earn double or even triple the amount i have now? ARGG!! money vs comfort, approachin vs dozin halfway at work, stress vs monotonous... ok i can go on a list but i can hardly think now. *takes out magic wand* I NEED ADVICE!!!! A SALES JOB AT A LOCAL BANK OR JUST JOLLY WELL STICK MY BIG TOUCHE AT MY CURRENT COY WHERE I SEE NOWHERE I AM GOIN!! I WANA HEAR U!!! tokin abt that, i do noe that there's always ppl who starts poppin in here to do WAD?! POO POO OR PEE PEE AR! come here see see pick nose then go off, cannot even add some comments like i'm an extravagant bitCh.. some bimbotic whoress or wadever dick shit names u can think off? urgg ok think time for me to get out *siGhz*

=count fingers & toes=

lines lines and more liNes!!

2006-02-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

i got sunbuRnt!!!! and ewwwww can't stand those bikini lines am gettin when my boobies look too fair.... if only we can skiNny dip here. sighhh wana go back again next weekenD who's on fOr it??!!

alrighteys... shoppin list for this comin month:

1) a Lacoste canvas sneakers - Muskateer 9White canvas with green lining and shoe laced... yuMmy! so old school can... i luV it!!) $69.oo -> GOT THOSE FLASHIES!! yippiE!
2) a bottle of Estee Lauder Pleasures 100ml (50% off retail price = $61.5) -> got them right off with good price!
3) more intimates
4) motorola v3 - PiNk!!! but first i gona clear my bills to renew my contract... daRn -> v3i with itunes ROXx!
5) an mp3 player (nano or some other cheaper brand) -> can't u read ma previous line.. i've got I.T.U.N.E.S. in ma v3i already~
6) perhaps a new tv for home
7) pillow and a new comforter (and if possible, a new mattress)
8) a new watch (perhaps adidas or fossil) -> ol' school does it right all da time... adidas in solid black!
9) havanian bag
10) more workin clothes

in total, i might need to pawn my aSs.. any takers ???

seclusion

2006-02-16T00:33:00.000+08:00

bein unnaturally secluded to disorientated emotions, i begin to write another espisode of unwilling parting... jas would be takin her departure to Oz later at 3pm. tho is gona be hard, i never felt this as bleak to see another companion away. i just simply wish to squeeze the guru ballz and torture it to eternity with scornful mouRn... i feel exhausted from all those trips to the airport... ayeeee yea bein EMO isn't a bad thing rite?

last nite's - vday dinner was togets with cahoots of ma favourite ladies and 2 bOyz (yea boyz tats it) i'm very determined, i was not out on a solo date with any anonymous freak but anticipation of an alleviation of frolic indulgence and personal delectation. tho food at changing appetites was just below the level of average, minusin the crowd it drew (darn lovin day eh) and havin to found ourselves stuck when they had to close at 10:30pm, and that is only when we got charged up with joey and louis' ("not bad lookin" dude) arrival... still, we managed to make our way across the bridge, to some chill out lounge at meridien. couple of booze to relinquish all those hard to burn off illusion of sadness... i must say, we had it all roCkin hard!!

let's just say, i gona miss every single one of them to my core... and so does ann. thats for sure. i'll save all those precious goodies to her in my palms for her.

-in deep meditation-

ewww 100Xs

2006-02-07T23:25:00.000+08:00

fiakin shit!! i'm havin difficulty goin to slp, ma music plays thruout the nite, i start tokin to maself, my toes kept wrigglin, my fingers r not even respondin well, and ma body is sufferin from rigid bloatin... PMS! I HATE THOSE DRAGGY PERIODIC livelihood in me... y can't some1 just just just... gAwd i'm so tired now.. ewwwwwww

heart thumpin.. deep breathin... temperature risin... perspiration drippin

2006-02-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

ok now wad da hell... i took a short turn in ma life today... i went for a jog!! i wouldn't noe how much exactly but it nearly took my life away serious!! yea yea u must be thinkin... old liaos la age is catchin up still go to tha extreme... wana die "youNg"? ok i admit, i'm not that as young anymore, but catch the flip... am not that old too yea? as the sayin goes, when one hit 16, only wish is to turn 18 in the speed of time. depot to 18, just wana die to be 21... and then u'll realise, wad a dim wit idea to have all those tots. and true enough, just turn around when lightnin strikes, i'm gona reach my mid life crisis... *sHruGz* beat it, i'm just hopin that i'm able to moderate my life to adjustments and stop bein such a pain anymore. back to the jOg plus skipping a hundred times, in fact, i've never felt that energised in ma life before!! definitely, i can make my mind to use more now. weird tho... i dun even have the nuts to crawl unto my bed to log out. perhaps a little while more, my system would have to shut down... but not till i get my mouth with some peanut butter sandwiCh... haahahahahah yea as those who noes me, i'm as conflicting as all theories as can be. i noe i ought to watch my diet these days, but (not an excuse) cos am havin the drats-ful syndrome of all women kind... P.M.S. which induces hunger PANGS ... believe it or not, yes it does! and to me, all da time... severe craves for chocolates for all i noe. but lucky this time, i did no shoppin, so no kit kat/ timeout/ snickers/ mars (did u see those new packaging... wooohoooo) oh yea NO NO NO!!!! i've got a basket of grapes in the fridge which may help the itch totally. strange enough, i was thinkin of marks & spencer's cornflakeS!!! shld try those with strawberry~~~ wooola la la... oopsed sorry time out now! i gona hit back to my vcd before my mind goes wild... and did i mention that PMS spur sexual hormones more frequent than usual... thus chocolates comes into the piCture....

chEeRiozzz to ferero rocHe! *dBl gRinz*

bootylickcious

2006-02-02T00:23:00.000+08:00

Gisele Bundchen *put ya blurdee mouse there and click* (Hot level = 100 stars *liCks*)

I LOVE FASHION!!!!

2006-01-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

I LOVE FASHION!!!! now eddie's in bangkok, i'm gona ask him to stock up on all acessories for me!! i wan more belts... more necklaces embedded with styleeeee... more chunky ear rings.. bangles mini skirts and SHOES!!! now i wish i'm in chatuchak once again... shiteeeee and --------------

i'm missin ma baby.... sighhhh

if u think ure a (super) model in singapore simply by posin in little fancy slimmin ads ... pls flash THIS in ya bare friggy little ass crack mind wads poise and edgy means...

cruisin off

am grossed UP!!!

2006-01-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

my blood is screamin for nicotine and yea thats rite... and perhaps some alcohol too... but darn shit, think cough syrup works better... so feelin freaky now i just wana scream yell and kick wadever darn shit thing comes up to my face now!!!!

oh well, think is better off alone pretty much da same anyway. i'll learn to let things go as it is and make maself comfy in ma bed maself. is freaky enough to have a guy who's missin in action. i wunda if thats wads called L.O.V.E. no rite? DEFINITELY NOT!!! if u need a perfect love story (YES AN EVENT OF FICTITIOUS EVENT) dial my no. immediately and i think i'll be maDe a legendary witCh that craftily practice socery and captures all moving objects, endorsin them into stones...

I STILL LOVE MY TATTOOS... and that's wad i called a TRUE intense emotional attachment...

FUCK ALL MEN...

sue me, lick me, break me... just dun hate me

2006-01-14T20:43:00.000+08:00

all a sudden, i felt as tho my head just got knocked by a dozen bricks. it hurts!! no shite... i spent whole mornin at eddie's office in discussion of makin plans on carvin ma own biz. instead of bein led with a direction, i ended up with confidence came crushin, no idea y too... to me, is gona take lotsa tender guts to do that. oh well, in the midst of still plannin... or shld i say considerin, but i ought to thank him truthfully for havin to spend the time for me.

later that, i laid my heavy feet to changi airport, rmbr is 14th January... sophie got to take off to auckland. i haven't any idea how to describe the feelin, but deep in ma heart, i noe she'll have my blessings and kept in ma silent prayers. just at the entrance of the boardin gate, her mum and other fren broke down together with her. well, at least i kept my promise not to tear. dun ask y, which somehow, i simply bear no true affections. guess my eyes could do no disguise tho is bitter to see some1 so dear to u to have to leave... well, not as tho we wun be able to meet up again, but the next few months, is gona be different without her presence in town.

and just then, i felt as empty as ever, he never did appear... and perhaps... i shld really rethink about everythin before is too late. for all this time, i wish i cud find some1 who bears the fruit to ma soul.. i shldn't compare anyone to everyone... perhaps... i shouldn't even get the hang of bein caught in unkind situations i can't pick up. tell me wad to do... URGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

-yoga meditation-

hard feelings....

2006-01-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

perhaps is da weather, or rather the musiC... certainly i do not feel right now. it's already the 12th of jan... and 2 more days before my perfect laydeee is leavin for auckland. true enough, i'd certainly not wish to see her leave, but undeniable fact is that she got to further her studies. when i saw her nick in msn *mixed feelings* i couldn't help but to pte her, only to realise that she just can't bear to leave her family and frens behind. all i can say is to assure her everybody's gona be fine... and for sure. in my silent prayers i kept her in me and wish her all well. she's been the best pal of mine since 4 or 5 years back since we last met at zouk on NYE. things worked out well, we cud party and relate to each other. time passed and the natural process of development, subdued our hushed voices of life. for she had crossed my life as a perfect criminal of friendship, the affinity is just too much to be written in words. *eyes gone wet* for once, we were caught in the web of creatures of the opposite sex... and now, still caught hahahah but afterall, i noe she has made the right decision in following her own democracy orientation. for all these, i wana salute to her and all smiles for her (and mine) mystique and undefined own future. i luv her and will always treasure wad it may be in my soul. ;)

can't think no more after 2.5hrs of Memoirs of a Geisha worth a catch! updates till further~ need to go read ma magazine and scan wad i wana get next in ma shOppin list... wahahahah

..:::Quote of the Day:::..

"We need to continually look within ourselves. Contemplate our inner being and find our own unique voice and then learn to heed it and we will then have the life experience we deserve."
- Dirk Benedict

ma shit...

2006-01-10T16:16:00.000+08:00

tHis isn't a riDdle... it's just what you ought to noe about...ME!!!

..::love to be the centric mind of being an eccentric individual::..

..::gets bored of things that shows no interest in me (easily digreSs)::..

..::passionate about things that holds my uNusuAL excitement..::

..::obssessioN with puRpLe, marOon, bRoWn, Gray, grEEn::..

..::and always felt that white and black are NOT colours but achromatic color value of minimum lightness or maximum darkness::..

..::eyes always on me whenever on the dancefloor *kA ChNg*::..

..::can't do without mAscaras, hate those irritants that add colouRs to the eye area - eye shadoW *bleahs*::..
..::excessive fasHioniSta shopper... once i start, i wiLL NOT even wana STOP::..

..::fetish for denim jeans (strictly Levi's), heels (which i never wear them tho i owe so many pairs), vintage tees, big bags::..

..::yearnin to drop those pounds gained in yeaR 2005 *bliNkz*::..

..::can finish a box of roChe by mAself within a day::..

..::laugh hysterically to myself whenever i ain't enough slp... *rolls eyes*::..

..::stOink when i sleep more than 8 HouRs::..

..::typically (especially) broke on the last week of the month *darn shit*::..

..::almost blind (with add on astigmatism & night blindness) without my glasses or contact lenses::..

..::an individual who's complicated (corrupted) - tad difficult to be apprehended::..

..::a nicotine addict::..

..::my left eye is biGgEr than my right (so r ma boObies hahah)::..

..::luv dark naiL coloUrs::..

..::creeps when streSsed::..

..::so in luv with lingerie... corsetS, bustiers, thOngZz::..

to be continued....

lose weight regiMe

2006-01-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

ok firstly binge-purge syndrome of chocolat is too painful and thus i need to seek for psychedelic intellectual assistance. being totally outa control of rigidity morality i simply felt in cahoots with willy wonka in personification of one of my favourite colouR. and oh yeaaaaa it makes my adrenaline rush to madness, tickle my spine and make me laugh spontaneously. wad da hell am i writing about? oh yea is all in the calories that head right to my undesired hips... and of cos TUMMY!!! specifically i felt disgusted in a way and i bet i shld try to watch it closely, since i've got another box of roche in my fridge *gRinz*

oh yea, my xmas was amazin (not with all those extra pounds i've put on *shRugz*). i was at KK with ma favourite gal.. soPh (ah hem not to climB mt. kinabalu pls) to think that i hesitated and made qualms about her trip there durin festive season. hell man i do think she's way off a nutz case to a better place on earth like KK.. but well wad to dO? i was kinda nursin from a broken heart, dejected thus took off for a trip to be remembered... and of cos it is.

even tho i din quite like the idea of fishin, but i believe that i ought to display spontaneous effort by joinin the crowd and since, there's nothin much to do there other than playin yaself... wahahahaha kiddin. and the effort was very well paid off since i did manage to catch a fish (puny one keke) by the river. it was much like a haphazard which i just simply wanted to roll ma line up for a routine check since i'm an impatient brat here. and wah lUp! caught one and i was freaky on the top of my pitch it could bring mE. the total complacency of bein the lucky first person to have caught one was an eruption of pride. a divine of wonder treat afterall. eventually, tho the trip was simply wasting my energy lookin for food here and there (tho i had diarrhoea 3 times for overeatin, strangely, my appetite was not robbed away) and hibernatin, the company of the gals was paradoxical on the edge. we just kept ourselves busy not doing anythin but thinkin of wad to do the next day and wassup for dinner! hehehe~ kinda like it, but over a week, it should be done and enouGh! =p

woohooo, gettin a tattoo is maddenin to several ppl, but 2 at one time is like an unbalanced act of dysfunction. always as eccentric as ever, yea hell did i get 2... at only 80RM!!! all thanks to Mabs really, for gettin such a better than never deal! it wasn't very much of the price that got me pumpin against my guts, but is my mental will that tells me if i dun get one on my body, i'll live to regret! even my baby (yea we got back togets *grinz* luv this trip) tot i'm ill enough to get smthin that'll remain permanently locked on my body. oh well, it's always wad i've been lookin forward to and i've not live to regret till this day and even ever... i hope *rolls eyes* it took me a long time to decide on wad to get, till i was there that i stubbonly stuck to a unicorn or pony or horsey with an ice cream cone stuck on its head or wad ever they might name it. i noe its a lovely piece of art on my body and am proUd of it =) definitely, the artiste has maketh me a canvas, an attribute of his craft. his professionalism is worthy of all praises and i shall in no doubt not deny his steady fingers of the eye of details. wonder if he can do it when he's blindfolded... hmmm

food at KK was amazin!! we ate like 4 meals a day, minusin those evil snackings while shoppin and all. i still felt the pinch of guilt till now. but hell! puttin a little (or more) pounds means i'm HAPPY (a personification of Soph) -.-~ hur hur hur and i'm still hooked to Mab's mum's bak kut teh... i admit that i do not see much interest in pork, but i didn't reject it when i first caught the fragrance of tea right into my nose. it just signals myself that i MUST have it!!! and geee first sip of the soup tells more than a lie... *blink* yummy!!! the taste still lingers in my bud. next to it was pikky's mum's mango puddin and ice blended... 2 servings of that means i shld have unleashed her dog (mocha) to run after me to ease my excess baggage... and of cos, not forgettin sam's chambrolet (duno how to spell) heard is a french dessert - pudding or some kind... and the brownies yum yummm.... amazin cooks there so wad more could i ask for. last day of my stay, we had toasted buns and prawn mee... heaven!!! if i can tabao back to sg, i would man!

the laid back vacation has taken me to another level of will, tho it's a pity i didn't visit the island, but i noe it's a lovely place and believe it, i'll not wana return to sg if i ever gona step there... i'm a beeeeeeeeeeeeach person ok? hahahah in fact, most ppl had the perception that it's a backward place, but not as it is. houses or shld i say mansions were casted on all over the land. even tho there were some other places where houses were built on stilts, up the mountain/ slopes... i see ppl of same civilisation bein separated by monetary roots.

our countdown was maddenin... tho my mind was at MOS (yes i'm addicted) we went to Shangri La Rasa Ria for chillin moments of drinkin session with several other ppl. held on to our black label and vodka, it was just a pure moment of joy. next, we ended up by the beach where immediately, my mind was shut from MOS feelin the soft sand and warm waves on my feet. totally breath takin, with a little jazz, i think is gona be at cloud nine!

last day was simply touchin... sam, cass, pikky, mab's parents and her younger bro derrick sent us off at the airport. and sam, tho i've always complained how annoyin she can be whenever she's next to me in the car (like turbulence), she in fact is a sweetie, gave me and cherelle a magnet each. i cudn't help to hug her really. but i hope she wun be an aphodisiac when she seriously starts to get older man. scary... wahahhhah kiddin... next stop was to KL... nothin much to do there other then shoppin la. but on the first night of arrival at mab's place... WE WENT ALL ABOVE THE GROUND!!! wooohoooo we saw a RAT!!! and guess wad, i took off to mab's room immediately closin the doors behind. only to hear soph and mab with all the AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and *thud thud thud* aHhhhhh and *bang bang bang* chaos man!! imagine 4 gals in the apartment with a freaky rat... and of cos they killed it within 2 mins and 10 mins of chasin... cool Ha! think soph deserve a rat killin award. spendin the nite at pikky's place for the nite, i ought to thank her hospitality for entrustin her place to cherelle and me. i swear that if they ever come to sg, i'll gladly... urm... ehh... gladly receive them with open arms and make them comfy to wad they deserve!!!

luv ya all and blessings to all of ya *muaKz* till we meet up again! cheeriOz

Photos in KK

bye to 2005!!!!!

2006-01-05T21:20:00.000+08:00

In the event of a fruitful year 2005, which have come to a closing episode distracted and being distant on the eve of a season of love. I felt consoled and deep down, I just wish to thank all those who had cross my path to make it all so meaningful…. Just in June, my lovely Ann had to fight hard between life and death… wad saddens me was till now, my guilt of neglect to attending to her needs and her affections. Looking through all the photo images, vivid memories turned round in my mind and I know that all was well… and it’ll be even better for the following year. All I wish for is full recovery from all the trauma… and all I know, this happened for a good course, that brought us closer togets and realizing the need of cherishing; observing whoever, whatever, whichever however that meant in our hearts.

Following that, was the departure of Joey to Australia… for a year… and even forever. Though we were reluctant to see her leave, but we know she’ll be safe and merry.

And above it all, November and December, facing a love and not turmoil makes me deem weak. Though it happened to soon to be true, I know he had taken my soulful heart away. But yet, we were not meant to be. Letting him go was the greatest intention for myself and him. Till now, I’ve yet to realize the reason but I noe one thing’s for sure I wish that I’ll not ever wana get myself immerse into anybody for wadsoever reason. It’s unusually weird but somehow, when u just wana lead a simple life, all just kept coming to u with vengeance. I despise that destiny has brought me to believe none was true… somehow, I got to thank God for bringing it all to me, and carrying me through it all till I’m OK. And if it’s gona make me stronger… I believe it had… no more tears for next year except tears of happiness.

I just wana wish Hagen well in all he does, Ann for speedy recovery, Jasmine and Joey to enjoy themselves feeding the koala bears and bathing the kangaroos… Wei to have a smooth sailing career and guided strength on taking care of her daddy. As for DiDi and Jireh, to find the special some1… Sophia… dance more often with the Maoris!! hahaha
As for myself… I just simply wish to have a better tomorrow and, brighter dreams that’ll never end…. =)

one day... and always....

2005-12-18T14:14:00.000+08:00

wooohoooo!!! for the past 4 days consecutively... i was out boozin... partyin non stop with heart thumping music... where at?!! MOS la! sheesh... ok blame it on me as a mountain tortise, a party blooper BUT! come on, is the ultimate big hit right now in sg... how can i ever miss it... sheesh in fact i'm havin cold turkey and leadin to severe withdrawal syndrome even tho i just came back from there just 6 hours ago.. *nose bleed, wet eyes* eeeksssss~~~ the aftermath is too much i can take!!! i'm goin back on wed I SWEAR!!! i'll drag whoever i can find toO!

greeted by the silver lingings all over, it was not impressive at first thot, but what came into my mind was the mind blowing music that simultaneously came flowing towards me. surrounded by silver linings, u may caught urself realisin that steel is not simply frigid but greeted u with a warmth chill. turnin to the left was a door that leads to another room.. and on the right is where the main hall stood, where of cos trance, house music is repetitively played with high volume. as u make ur entry, u'll feel like a hollow queen who has just arise from a dose of weed... lights weren't dimly lit, with adequacy and totally ready to take it on the next level of esctasy... whatmore, there's an escalator *chill baby chill* that leads to the balcony wad caught my eye was the flowin strips of water that embraces across the dance floor, when laser lights befalls u could see the runnin of picturesque that i can't take my eyes off. ample of spaces to make ur way through all the tall tables and caught urself immersing into a paradise of liberation. i couldn't wait to jump onto the escalator but went on tourin round the first floor first and through another passage way, i saw more steel... a life size cage (wad was i thinkin? yea eroticism of sexual morality wahahah) comfy seats all round and 4 rows of flight seats @ a hideous corner... music affiliated - drum & bass, R&B. makin my way thru again, we pass the entrance and up the escalator we go!! flourecent lamps hung high on your left, and there's no turnin back!!! on the right, was the room for chillout, loungey ambience (but retro *darn*) that makes u wana hop onto the sofa seats and never wana get those booty off. *grinz* as i continue, yes, we went pass the VIP room that's totally restricted and very strictly for the... urmm i wouldn't noe who tho. coming close to the end, tot that was all, and obviously not, we opened another door to PURE room... whitish interior, brightly litted and personally greetings of innocence takes u off guard. sofas were caught in leather lining. further in, lyin more of them in a CUBICLE!!! oooohoooooo which u can comfortably lie on it with ur shoes off!! i wana take it all (literally all!!) off man.... ahahhhaha journey was finally explored (not enough of it), head back to dance floor now at main hall! danced till never tomorrow... DJ TIESTO!!! lovely...

and of cos, i'll instil my passion for our ever legendary zouk... but for the mean time.... haahhah MOS could be my next love, other then the man whom i love dearly always. behold to the one truE~~

taken in the ladies, bottom half... u wouldn't need to noe wad was i doin.. hahah

2005-12-13T19:06:00.000+08:00

I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya I miss ya

wad da @*#(^@^(# HELL!

2005-12-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

i came across this really interesting state of confusion last nite. chn 5 had this talk show called tab chat every wednesday 11pm. and last nite's topic was about pre martial sex... esp amongst teenagers. where they got Izzy the more than ever famous or should i say the revolution of the new age aphrodite. readin her blogs somehow is deceiving or rather damaging my mind. during the tok show, evelyn tan as show host, Flyin Dutchman, Daphne Koo and some counsellor sat in together with Izzy and a Malay BOY (emphasis in caps, suppose he's age is btwn 18 - 20) who has visited a prostitute for his 2nd sexcapade. horrifying and disturbed to my concious about the words that came from Izzy which i couldn't recall wad exactly she explained for her very own sex diary to be exact... let's quote this from one of her archive:

"It upsets me sometimes, that some people can separate sex from their emotions, and will do it, even if it disturbs them."

"Since I’m a lot happier now that I’ve stopped thinking of sex as wrong. I was going to have as much of it as I wanted, regardless, anyway. "

"And the truth is, even after I’ve slept with a number of people, I’ve still managed to have sex and feel intense love, and a passionate sense of self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is a terrible word to use in this case, it’s something more like, a passionate spiritual, sexual moment. Think an eros-agape emotion. Sex, for me, has not loss any of its meaning. It’s just acquired more then one."

conveniently, she or even at least 60% of teenagers between the onset of puberty and maturity had disregarded sex and as wad it may deemed to be... perhaps in olden context its sacred and saving a bleed till matrimonial as a tradition to the asians (strictly). and in recent context (passing no judgement based on real life accounts that i came across), i had in terms come to know about it that even at the age of 13 some of which had already encountered sex and even on a routine basis. perhaps, it was just not told of since it would very much be a taboo.

let's just say that, i came to noe about it when i was 13 year old too. even though i was somehow led astray, defiant or rebellious if u insist. i must say i was much disciplined (or rather borin) to be cooped up with hangin out at macdonald's after sch and goin to gal pals home to watch tv, vcds etc... those were my luxuries and i made no qualms of my lovely golden times. though i was ever curious as anybody would be at that age, i took my religion into consideration that i shall not gain to have any mindful of thoughts on drugs and sex till i was legally 18 =) and i believe it was all good. it wasn't a pact, and being some1 who always am prone to have high interest in everythin new, i know that was ONE discipline that i've observed (head up high). until my law was broken and legally i've made my consumption with my weaker mind. that was what till now, i'm showin some soulful reflections on.

in actual fact, my previous thoughts and actions were somewhat (which i do not wana go into details) similar to Izzy. thus, her definitions had injected a piercing tragedy to me. and havin to put all into history text. i wish i could appeal to all of them that they will come in term to realise that all of their actions r foolish and ain't worth even the ashes but just conjure up a history makin of deceit.

to close it all since i ain't got the vibes now.. good nite!! =>

14th December

2005-11-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

the last time i cud recall being hugged was on the very day... the day when i felt my heart stopped at the moment of time at 11.32pm. till now, i haven't rebounced the ability to crave my fears in... since zachery appeared. and now, still livin the shadows, i still fear my foot steps... i gave up each and every chances that came upon me well. and now, i noe i'm doin the rite thing to hagen. i noe it'll always be rite...

always living in memory... those tears will always be of my words of pain and confusion... i live a lie in wry... let the laughter be buried in my castle of arrogance, the smiles will fade as the clouds turn gray and may all tunes surrender to fears

is better in the dark...

2005-11-20T03:08:00.000+08:00

on this day, i felt neglected and alone.. as bored stiff, i cried out loud yet, hear no echoes. listen to the darkness that crept into my soul, that got me torn and deceived. i ain't got nowhere to cast my tears of fears.... i wana run away as far as my feet takes me to.

i wish once more i have no other one except my daddy... i miss U~

banana chips...

2005-11-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

arrr... to think that i had been procrastinatin on whether or not to take on a few bits of the banana chips i got from bkk 3 weeks ago... finally the first bite caught my delight of a sensual crave for snackin and now i can't stop chewin on it... bananas is wad i'm made for right now and am a happy nana!! i wana go for another TRIP!! and i'm plannin for my destinations for 2006...

1) taiwan -----> to eat more meee sua and hong dou bing
2) shanghai -----> to beio mei meis
3) Ozzie ----> to bathe the kangaroos and feed the koalas!! and HIT THE WAVES...
4) New Zealand ----> to dance with the maoris
5) maldiVes -----> to steal some sand
6) Seychelles -----> to find nemo and have tortises as companions always...

ok... i'm startin to sound like some 17 year old smug recently as have been hangin with pretty much of urm the fairly intellectual species of whom i can never indulge my behaviour with. by all means, i have no means to be dubious about how my childhood and teenhood was like. somehow, i believed it wasn't that well to carry on with. battling the satisfaction of earnin my quarter life crisis now, how hard to imagine my life without my sand bags now.

or my bolster n pillow... its quirky but all a sudden i feel my heavy lids goin right down with gravity...

i'm flamin!!!

2005-11-12T02:51:00.000+08:00

for once i felt gray is a color for me (and hell is grayin population prosperin with some nut head like me)... is only just a day to my not expecting nor long awaited birthday.. sheesh as years goes by, i can hardly recall when will that occur in my life in any fiscal year and just simply bears the scornful, spiteful tots of disposin all those calenders away or simply just tear ONE page to let it OUTA ma way. i despise these sinful tots... u must be thinkin "awww come on ure STILL in ure prime and oughta project enthusiasm and shape ure perception of AGE-in as a legitimacy of another phase" PUI!!! karrrrrrrrrrr PUiz~~ ok i'm childish in tots and should i in any way wish or present myself in that way, i might as well go register a pistol and shoot ma head. -.-

just came back from cheenablack and realised wad a cheena place. placin no offence and no ill intentions, i'm a patriotic citizen with philanthropic heart thats burstin with arrogance when it comes to clubbin. i totally admit i deserve to be charged as a looney in a very much offencive way... but how da hell did they manage to bluff their way thru with their not very well deserved praised dancin and drinkin habits. it totally gave it all away to agony. i was sighin in disbelief when i seem to be outnumbered and that cud be rather risky if i were to display my onli vengence of discrimination there. hehehhee i felt defenceless in the dancefloor when women in short flare (not micro mini tite) skirts were hoggin the platform and unleash the urmmm wad liberty of society outbreak since they have been lyin in discern communism (is there such a word?). i felt pathetic and secluded from the public eye. i cudn't make ma smile more charmin then ever.... oh well, y shld i even bother when i was stuck without my fags stored in my LV case and last 12 bucks of the nite to skid maself home. left with my fren for keepsake i felt threatened without them at such situation, i just simply wana abandon every single one of them in there and leave to my desired computer... wahahhaaha

somehow, some words bore the emotional tidings (i have no alcohol.. NO NO NO) clouded my head as i was in the cab home. "i simply wana thank those who cross the path of my life and made the journey more than the unusual..." flashes of memories and fadin into the passin street lights... how each men entered and got out the soonest they could so as to justify their reward... *burps*

oh well, most rewardin was i had twice of a lifetime cut cake ceremony in a day. =) i'm such a genius and reckon i need more cakes to make me in all stardom! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i love it... it was so sweet i had sweetest treats. and who says i'm a woman of high integrity; high maintenance; high expectations and perfectionist. i need to harmonise too yea? oh well... come to think of it, i shld be expectin more of it... wahahhhaha think i can bring ma own knife out IF got the chance wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

=lovely=

URGG!!

2005-11-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

i'm gettin on my nerves again!!! for the whole day (MC since yesterday *shakes legs*), i spent onli the last 3 hours muggin for my not too far away exam. urgg~ is makin me frustrated!! yes only to blame myself for not preparin myself for the paper ealier but... is just me. i'm rather a sadist, i like the feelin of bein pressured and being in the wrong track of time when it falls upon me. it just makes me ooze with excitement when innervation runs my body and makin my adrenaline rush.

finally realisin that lower part of body needs some sculptin... i went for a swim. disappointed as i may be. y am i always the last to finish off the lap compared to others? it just defeats my purpose to have a pool time there. instead of sheddin more fats, i'm sheddin more hair for stressin myself out there. beat it... i swim like wad? once/ twice a mth just recently? i sense a disgust fact of dissatisfaction of the ill disciplined self. sheesh... i really need some motivation for some adjustments to my routine now. i hardly exercise and is time to hit the threadmills for some rockamania hell sweaty time. and that's gona happen onli after the 17th. i dreadfully wana drag myself out with my mind on the stack of notes - unattended. =(

oh well, a quick update.. i think is absurd to ever think me, this hardcore pathetic loner would wana get hitched. and yeap, recently, some1 wooed me over that quickly, i can hardly catch no breath to integrate my mind and thots that no way i can bail myself. in another words... he seduced me, abducted my abilities to think right (hmm since when do i.. ok) and lured me with his upright approach. and i dislike that fact that he's got to be so darn candid with his feelings towards me. and even if he doesn't, i suppose it will linger as it remains. afterwall, i noe he's a good catch... but is still too soon to judge. urgg i can't think anymore... guess is time to bang my head and rip those notes stacked right beside me now... sheeshhh

last but not least... i jolly well noe that Crash is a good show, but... i can hardly understand certain contents of it. prolly watch it again

"human beings have bad memory, thus we need to be reminded and reinforce the message.."

"PR is a planned and sustained effort to establish and maintain goodwill of a corporation to the public..."

la la la lalalalla... ELMO song....

2005-11-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

Blue Crush

wad can i say? more gals, more bikinis, and of cos... the beach with waves....

i wana take up wind surfin TOO!! hur hur hur

counting back

2005-11-01T06:19:00.000+08:00

and yes, am still having a severe hangover - not from the drinking i had for the nite at villa bali and devils thereafter, but------> from the bangkok trip. it was a smelly trip where i had shoppin till i drop and never had i been that free from all thots. for once, i felt the importance of my life... shopping.. hahahah it wasn't smthin i requested for, but somewhat somehow, a contingency that swells with fortune. bought lotsa junks, ought to space out my wardrobe and my room for more to come (and sure it will at all time) i suppose i'll never get bored of the place never in my life. perhaps even makin plans to make my feet settle at such made heaven place. i feel wicked there whenever the gals walk pass, needless to say the Boys too =) yippie!!

the birds r singing rite now and i can hardly feel my eyelids bearin burden cos is way pass my bed time and there were some tots that came occurin into my head. just last year on the exact date, i met Chris. a bastard i cud have loved, to be given all and reached far beyond. and now for all my love hate relationships, i must say it plays a period of awakening. i have learnt never to love it all. it's hard to decipher the ingredients of it. basically my heart is tossin with fear and doubts. and i noe i'll never be able to spur my emotions towards any1 perfect (of non existence). if i cud be a dupable person on earth, i'll seek no complex issues that got me colliding with disgrace.

i wish... i wish for transperency of truth

2005-10-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

somebody please knock me out!!! can't slp cos am all too excited for my bangkok trip tmR!! wahahahahahhahha yesh yesh yesh yesh!!!! i wana see pretty bOyzZZzzzzzz

Villa Bali

2005-10-22T03:14:00.000+08:00

and is another friday getaway. i'm partially drippin on my nose (prob caught a cold) and literally zonked out. i had an improper nite snooze... y?? cos some dammit bug bit me at my toe, causin all the discomfort of a holy nite rest @ 4am. and wad da hell did i slept so late on a thursday nite? ahhha can't never believe that it took all my guts to meet up with an online fren (yea so wad?)... who apparently stays a street away from me (and so.....) to me, it's such a taboo to even think about makin eyes at any1 who stays less than 100km away from me. oh well, yea am a confessed smug who does not in any way literally practice (and/or receive) neighbourliness politely. in such a way, coincidentally, he's drivin a i must say... cutest vehicle ever seen. if gotten a chance will take a pic to post. but rather not as is wayward "visually magnetising". we met up eventually even tho i've got 2nd thots about it, went for dinner with the company of his frens (whom i've mostly forgotten their names already heheheh - as usual) then off to a ktv pub at BQ. is a rather cozy place since it there were sofa seats i dun think i shld not give credits to it hahahaha. met a couple more of his frens and one guy caught my attn with his beefy mortal figure. yea he's in fact cute but too much of a snooty snort as i noticed. especially since he's got this lolita galfren of by his side. as i sensed glances at me, i tot probably was just a mock and refused to fall into belief till urm our eyes caught outa nowhere *gRinz*. bein hyped up within the constraint space and in need to fetch some fresh air, i took a walk out side. and to realise that it was just venue when ann's incident happened. tho it's been 4 months already, i could still feel the hunch of it and down with much remorse reminders. just when i was uttering my low silent sighs, the beefcake came down as well. we smiled at each other, then i went up the place to disallow my swellin melancholy. well, we sat just for another hour or so then finally bid farewell *phew* and left with another guy who, apparently also stays at my estate. i've never felt the closeness of bein neighbours till that moment.

as a matter of fact, i was supposed to be at zouk's openin right now but brain freeze just means i'm callin out for a chill out instead, tho i wanted to set my feet there. and so, met up with ma neighbours again and make our way down to Villa Bali at Alexandra Road. as suggestive as the place is, it's a wonderful palace. barely cud take my eyes off the enticing landscape right in front of my eyes. obviously i mentioned VILLA BALI and so wad do u think? i can't describe it that well as i'm still mesmerized by how the owner has started off from bare piece of land to somethin as amazin as this. furthermore, he's gona expand the area. i hope i cud have taken pics of the place but too bad, too dim the lights were. goodie is, a cutie and i exchanged eye contacts several time as he was on his way out *pouts*. looks very much like a eurasian given his chiseled looks. but yummy is all i can say (pls pls pls dun tell me is the alcohol effects of red wine). oh well... i never had such luck i must say.

just today, i scooped the juciest stories of how a new found jie of mine got attached. only to my realisation that he's half head handicapped which means he's hald a head shorter la. and yea, havin to be provided towering heights (me and her), on the contrary, i'm not as generous as she does. i can't accept some guy given the fortune (or not) who's slightly "handicap" - in terms of height onli pls. broadness is always well considered but never in that case. she enlightened myself sayin that one should not anticipate with just faulty biasness and tangled oneself with complacent tots. i totally agree to that, but i dun seem to decipher the word of "love" amongst relationships. bein in and out so quickly of them, i collide with confusion. as if i dun wish to entrust myself to some1, but it's not as worthy as it may seem. as the sayin goes... Men are like parking spots- good ones r taken & the rest r handicapped. hehehhe~ and there it goes again, no offence towards the emphasis on aesthetics of MEN kind. oh well, i suppose love gives life, without love means NO LIFE... and for my case, i'm just a SMUG FUCK.. (courtesy of Andre) hahahahah~ love it...

true enough i found some kind neighbourly impression and i wana wish my jie a life that's all worth seekin of!

cool Out now++++ *.*zZZZ

zonk zonk

2005-10-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

arrr.... tapping my fingers to the tune of my favourite tune (if you go to my friendster for those who noe, the mtv is playin it) i just can't believe that for the past three days were hard to go by *stretch out legs in boredom* and afterall, i managed to do some self therapy (ah hem not wad u think it is meant in some urban meanin)... did some firmin clay masque as i spot some oil zits and spreadin my face with excessive of a repair serum "Idealist skin refinisher" - by Estee Lauder if some ziplog head who displayed an array of question marks over ure head. it's meant to work on uneven skin texture, diminish the appearance of pores and regulates excess oil production. it has this tingery velvety smoothing feel to it. kinda like it, but too much of a high cost if used on a regular basis.. but hell, i was once a lauder gal, hehehe 50% discount means yak it all over my face... wahahahahahh and of cos, some bit of moisturiser as a top coat in order to maintain the balance overall and WAKALA! i feel refreshed and with my wet hair still wrapped in towel. probably, i'll do my nails later too. *pause for 15mins* helped my mum to make dinner by fryin rice... with tomatoes! *bUrps*

oh well, next to it, i had my first dosage of heineken for like... 3 weeks? HELL! pardon me, dual made in heaven! haaaaaaaaaaaaa***** not forgettin the fags! triple delights for this hour. since my tv is down, i ought to be more constructive and pay some tribute to my bOrdeee... hurhur

wonderin y am in high spirits even tho my life is worth nuts fuck now is cos... 9 more days to my holy entrance to thailand... to see sum pleeeteee bOyzz.. =sa wa teeeee ka= i'm startin to get all excited and fret not! i've got my toiletries in preparation now and of cos all the free samples i got it came to call the shots now in the esprit toiletry bag. hehehe~ wala! even tho is only a 3 days trip, i feel like an exploded virgin who is responding to direct stimulation and discharge of neuromuscular tensions... well... full stop.

keeping a topic to that, i know that i can withold the lusty temptation. still counting... i have been out with couple of guys whom urmm yea younger than me. jolly well noe that for a definite conclusion that being younger means they have perfect stamina and cure my lonely sisterhood, i reckon i shld better off try it all out. hehee as a matter of fact... this is so true: *Men tend to be more silent than women during an orgasm, with an occasional muttering. (selfish fuckers)* defines to all men stop grinnin u old biatch...

on second tots, will be headin to zouk this friday (and that explains the need to curb myself into shape), and who noes, i may be lurin myself to danger hahahhhaah yippiE! and of cos with the company of my ex infatuation. think i shldn't indulge with too much toxic then har? else i'll end up at who noes where...

*bottoms up to 2 more days*

my skin care regime =] this really works! for stretch marks *blessed*

my everyday essential for my tresses my baby!!!

LEGGSS!!

2005-10-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

as a matter of fact yea, i do love heels!! which gal doesnt? given my height at a towerin 1.72m, i doubt i shld ever step into a club with them, tho i've always been tempted to.. and guys no offence or wadsoever (yea rite) i've been blessed with legs that i should say well-y sculptured hahahahaha and really am bored to be towering TOO MANY of u juNk headS! and if it wasn't for that, i wouldn't have won the hearts of a few of my ex-es. let's take a lOok..... later

Yes, and i believe that God is gloriously celebratin his resplendent work here *ka chiNg*. almighty in his name, i called upon happiness and folly times to reminisce with my pair of limbs. haphazardly, i do tumble over them and make a whole mess outa ppl's shit off the ground and makin way to the attention of being a DOPE.

*Bleahz*

....

*need a nuDge*

......

...

....

*yum yum* mind u, i did NO editin!! hwahahah

2005-10-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

the wonderful angels who created all the heavenly deavours of my life...

is a heart... tho is a little outa shape...

"the greatest gift i had from God, I call him Dad"

2005-10-17T20:51:00.000+08:00

feeling all defenceless, i guarded myself so ignorantly thinkin that i can be really true to my frens. however, it was just denyin myself from discern truths. just got offline from joey and realised that siao wei's dad was hospitalised for mild stroke. eventually, my mind became twisted, crestfallen spirit and appalled as it may be. as wad joey said, siao wei had always felt responsible about us... our problems.. but failed to respond to her own. i'm grateful to have her to call my own and contributin so much to my selfish convenience. at times like this, i wish i can do more rather than just givin her a call and a pat on her shoulder. however, i've repeated to them to prioritise our duties of life, thus i ought to fashion myself in their favours. sighhh have yet to give time for them at the moment.. we're all too busy, held up with work and all. i just wish that we can stop the time now....

ignore the previous post thenn... i noe i'm a good for nothin worth... tv spoil oso complainnnn hehehe~

2005-10-17T20:05:00.000+08:00

I WANA COMPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! y must tv be such complex devices.... sob sob tv spoil and for all i care i have to bear for the expenses for the repair... SUCKY!! no way am i gona touch the money for my bkk trip shikety dilac beeshiee drats..

=cramps till my toes nUmb now=

2005-10-16T22:51:00.000+08:00

i had a change in taste for men recently!! i'm havin a crush with this guy i just met at pool today... ewwww catastrophe!! he caught my eyes when he first walked in then said hi to my fren. i was like stuck dumB~ hahahaha boyish and beefy i must say - looks like those kind who work out pretty much often to justify his arms but saggin slightly... and all i noe is that he's playin for the newpaper competition... hiak hiak can't forget the aloof look he's got simply yummy.. and i've got real nasty tots for that period of time.. until i noe further that he's a year younger (DAMN!!! *kicks in stress*) and my fren's fren eX~ disappointed i was in dismayed... shred into pieces and i need a shag (kiddin)... wahahhaah shitey shiteyyyyy

oh well yea hey.. another 13 more days to my bangkok trip!! yippieeeeeeeeeeeee can't wait!!

zonked in such a pathetic weather... 23 degrees and coolin breeze... time to hit the bed soon and continue my dream with urmmm the young mennnnnnn ~~~ herrrrreeeeeeeeee i cOoooooOmmeeEEEEEEE~~~~~~

===============fat gals like me needs lovin too=====================

2005-10-13T19:35:00.000+08:00

as i entered home... it created a sad note... and till now, i can hardly put out the haze in my soul. deep in the sullen hole dreads a disguise so untrue. sometimes i answer myself with much sympathy, at times like this, i just wana dig the core of bitterness. the unscrupulous falsifying lies that every1 carried...

the likelihood of myself movin outa house is reachin the peak as each of them r just simply exploitin the fact of my handicapped of esteem. i dun desire love no more, all i need is benign intentions of beings. i am so afraid of scarrin the unintended wound once again. i discreetly left the swellin ache to disgust. i wish for a better tomorrow with my God who stands within my stem of hope.

*i wud twist the knife & bleed my achin heart*

2005-10-13T00:02:00.000+08:00

sigh... i just dyed my freakin hair outa impulse and DARN did it turn out like is havin SPOTS all over... fiakin SHIT! it's only like a year since i last tried to DIY ok... wthh but the colour turns out alrite i must say... some japanese brand "Patsy" which i'd trust since is of asian production. hehehe~ look like AR LiaN now... eeeyerrrr i'm gona die, probably i need a scarf... a hat... a plastic bag to go over it... no shit!! and i wana go do rebonding!! and that doesn't justify my dosage of S-11 currently sighhh is makin me all shabby.

urggg can't write with my messed up mind on my hair...

*bittersweet symphony - the verve on tune now*

2005-10-11T14:44:00.000+08:00

the hardest thing to do is allowing some1 who became so dear to your life go...

and if that's him... probably is always meant that way. i can only turn to myself now and even forever....

*white roses on the dose*

2005-10-09T23:21:00.000+08:00

it ain't funny to be rushin to the toilet 3 times a row tonite.. *sobsob* to lau saiiiii and yea how pathetic can i be? probably all the hello panda, the ham sandwich and cucumber soup i had r already flushed down... as well as my ability to think.. wahahahahah since when do i think *wang*
and oh yea... in a WEAK mode to complain after my swim today. some1 raised his eyebrow at me in the poOL... i left no time to entertain his blurdee absurd, childish act and left. not as tho i care a shit cos he ain't no hunk i was aimin at... hahahhha oopsed sorry. he actually waited for me outside the female shower room and followed me... i was like preparin the towel in my bag to do some whippin.. but he's smart enough to walk away after he noticed my HOSTILITY! and yes... that got me saved my energy pretty much to go get some ham for my breakfast tmr... yummy!! blackpepper with lotsa lettuce plssss...

no scandal again.. *taps feet with arms folded*
sighhh i wish i can forget abt him (infatuation).. totally... TOTALLY!!

2005-10-09T03:01:00.000+08:00

Isn't this a sweetie?? I love this baby!!!! a John Cooper mini convertible!! Seen it at my office car park... yummy yummy... just wana hop onto it anytime!

Prior to all the lovin, yes went out with Sophia (thanks for the BOSSA NOVA discs) and a gal of hers to Blu Jaz, a place i had been to the third time this week and am slightly disappointed. the singer couldn't bear some notes and was a little pitchy. when we first heard, we couldn't decipher is a male or female.. ahhahahha but dinner there was alrite with our heineken. next to it, had a stroll along arab street till i wanted to find a loo (as usual, i do not have a bladder problem IS A SMALL bladder ok? *self denial*). next to it, we were senselessly headin to nowhere in mind at all. i wanted to go clubbin or probably somewhere more upbeat whereas, urmm soph's fren (kinda forgot her name) was reluctant and dubious of goin to sound bar. and so i suggested goin BQ, where soph and i have our usual option the actors and to HOME. oh well, was a spoiler when we were there, first was the blasting sound system of some unusual chinese songs coming out from actors... *rolls eyes* so unpredictable for such ozzey place. then went towards HOME with eagerness then when we were backfired for urm... some reggae and r&b, so continued our journey to clarke quay... hell was it borin there now... not till MOS is opened!! haahahah yumm yumm.. *with hunger* so well, we starved our nite with a heineken before, and sat by and awaitin for each other's suggestions on where to go. i'm easy with anything.. and so were they... which didn't make out out destination anyway. oh well, for the next 30mins then soph popped up with the idea to mokx? or was it Mox? duno la.. din hear properly, and all i wanted to do by then was to just chill... pop by another cab to tanjong pagar and wala... on the 4th level we were greeted by some lounge music.. alas.... and the interior was very impressive... but strange enough i didn't sniff a single tabacco in there... till i realised that smokin is prohibited but only at the balcony... i'm like huh wtH!! ok lohh had my dosage of mango margirita listen to some chill out songs and checkin all the cute gays around... hahahaah so champs elysees everyone was hoggin their red/white wine tunin themselves with the soothing anthems... it was nice till 12am when the crowd starts to hog most of the area and we decided to leave. and oh yea.... my date on 23rd oct is gona be anticipatin!! ZOUK's REOPENING!! i'll be there for sure... and what more... waitin for my ZOUKOUT

yahoooooo sophia i can't wait for our appts next. pls do not pang sei me since ure leavin for NZ soon, which i believe the application will take it's honourable YES. the wait will be worth and tho i dun wish to see my pretty to be away, if only i can forbid u *sigh*... i'll still love ya zouk beeeCh~ heh! have a nice time in KL and hope to keep an update with my infatuations once again hahaha ain't no paedophile lemme remind u once.... and yea i hope to catch up with a dirty ol' junkiE this comin week... heehehehhe ya noe wad i mean?? =============

===================================================

======================================

==================================> FLING la *aR dOiz*

=time out no flings for almost a mth nowwww borinnnnn=

2005-10-08T15:46:00.000+08:00

first time bloggin so early in the day. yea can't wait to get out for partee with my usual gal SOPHIA!! i just can't simply tell her how much i miss her. haven't met her for like.. urmm 2mths? yea.. still haven't gotten our late nites out at zouk. she's a horrid bitch whom i love still. till date, she's still my favourite nite mistress. ever since she's found a baby in KL, is been a long long time we had to get together. yippies!! more booze tonite... hopefully, there's still some memory in my memory card for some photo takings later... wahahhahahah i miss ya chap.

and further more to this... i think i've lost a pal due to a blog... i hope he understands that i do not in any way mean it by posting some irrelevant facts about his abouts. i miss him alot and would like to apologise to him if i've offended him in anyway.... even tho he's still in my msn list, he'll remain forever... best wishes to him... sighhhh

2005-10-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

i feel like a paedophile.... sighh... Gawd... pls help!! i'm defencelesssssssss... tell me that infatuation is not for real!! yes yes yes...

2005-10-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

latest watched movie.. "everlasting regret" Sammi Cheng looks GREAT!! luv her!! choregraphy was fantastic... Stanley Kwan is a lengendary name...

next to watch will be...

and

2005-10-01T02:25:00.000+08:00

my dream CAR!! *full grinz*

I WANA LICK THE BOOTY!!!! boot boot booty... *sLuRPz*

2005-09-25T01:33:00.000+08:00

on second thots, i felt that saturdays r time left to be wasted. supposedly to wake up in the mornin to swim, but i cudn't get up on time as my alarm didn't sound and had a late nite chattin with some1 i detested... dun ask me y but i kinda dislike the fact that yea i chatted with him till the dark ended. we were tokin abt a common fren which i dun think i wish to go into details as i felt weak thereafter some unknown truths i heard. i almost wanted to kill myself.... that's only to be concluded after a few mths. deep in my heart, yelled in desperation for God and hope that myself (and many others) will be really safe.

the alleviation of my hands clutchin a beer, is simply an excitement to me especially over the weekends. probably i have a drinkin issue, or is it just that i like the excessive drinking of intoxicants. esp since i can't stop thinkin of dylan. 6 more mths to go made me more and more uneasy. just when i set my mind at ease of the Katrina, next thing i knew was another hurricane @ florida, texas... drivin ppl to anxiety and frustrations. i haven't received a mail from him 3 days ago... and is worryin to the fact. i wudn't noe how it is to be explained, is this love or just some kinda affections of emotional dependence. in fact i felt chained in this reaction. i had tots of lettin him go. somehow, it was tougher as it gets each day. he knew about Zac and slight irritation is unforbidden. probably he felt betrayed too, so am i. the struggles in me to abandon relationship is gettin severe. as a matter of fact, many gals out there cud be deprived of independence too. each time i come online, all i wanted to receive is an email from him, professin the longing separation to be done in due right now this minute. even i cudn't decipher the forlorn, staggared loneliness we are experiencin. i wish i cud once more throw some tempers at him and gettin the treatment of attention. he once told me that he likes the attraction and companionship, and the insecured benefits of being with each other for wadsoever reasons. tis is unexplainable as we hardly noe if this is gona be another hefty reliance i am gettin into. the truth is still... i miss him to the core. in my mind, chris was history, zac is a memory and dylan... not the future (which i never tot to possess) but the present. maybe if we hold on to it forever, it'll be justified.

further more to my tidal sentiments, i miss ann too. wondering how's she doin now. in fact, we never had to be separated from each other on saturdays. if we failed to do so, there was still a bond to sms her. i once told her off for bein too dependant on seekin the fulfilness against solitude. but now, i am sittin in her position to seek for the belonging. sometimes, when i gaze into her eye, i felt as tho i am the first person she can recalled of or is this self denial? i spoke to her at her ears in the hospital for as long as i can rmbr. and each word carried weight that caused her to different reactions. nobody noes if she can recognise us, is all that we're waitin for... and this time i believe will come pretty soon.

is all undeniable, and i tot i was the person livin in vain as it says, in grim reaility, i'm knocked to my sense that hey, there r more out there sufferin endless torment. and all i pray for is the certainty of my life before i can lend a helping hand. a soul scarred with resentment and disorder doesn't counteract the twisted truths. i wana be able to do more in my time and assertive to certain extend...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- i love dylan, yes i do?

i was zonked and had a blood rush... in other words... I PUKED!!! ahhahahahaha shoot me pls somebody, chivas doesn't taste as well as it desires.. eww

Supercalifrajilisbicxpialidoucious

my heart is screamin in pain...

de awakening...

that it's your heart that knows who loves you, not your ears or eyes.

caught in the act

poisonous

security... jealousy...

finalast

neglection

WHY....

sidekicksss

trashin it out...... again

oh shite...

FLARED

randomly... recently...

when u aint got things to do...

picture speaks a thousand words

listen to the rain drops.. bwac bwac bwac bwac

In Fraility

when u noe that i ain't no job hogger

HOH SEY BOH!!

goodbye fella

so Q cherry

rottin feet

shit go-i nehz

*kachng*

beg me thrill me please me

another wasted saturday

HALT YE TO MOVIES!!

till it's gone

thank you...

walking across

I JUST DIG ON MUSIC!!

chocolates melt in mouth...

Always Head Towards North???

doomshit slut

Amazing Spray Paint Artist

Havoc

livin @ the borders

Meaning...

the emo side of me

sidekiCkz

WHhhheeeeeeeeeee

GOOD SHITS!

i am a wimp....

fuNk up

u say... i say...

you r my sunshine...

When it's all gone...

tot of the week

patches...

i noe is weird...

PUKIMA

dirty stylin~

the nightmare before christmas

anger management

in da middle

Distortion

twiddling my fingers

caught in a dismay between 2 torn worlds...

28days cycle

lines lines and more liNes!!

seclusion

ewww 100Xs

heart thumpin.. deep breathin... temperature risin... perspiration drippin

bootylickcious

I LOVE FASHION!!!!

am grossed UP!!!

sue me, lick me, break me... just dun hate me

hard feelings....

ma shit...

lose weight regiMe

bye to 2005!!!!!

one day... and always....

wad da @*#(^@^(# HELL!

14th December

is better in the dark...

banana chips...

i'm flamin!!!

URGG!!

kachng